Zayn Malik? But do I care?

Contravene

Song is end of the day. No it's not me.

Heaven

He turned to me. He must have felt my eyes on him. I turn away. I could basically hear him smirking. "Babe, if you wanna look, just look." Gosh, so vain. "No need to be so nervous around me."

"I'm not."

"Sweetie, I thought we established that you are? Remember the whole talk we had?"

"Shut up. You're so irritating." I mumble. "And stop calling me all those names?"

"What would you perfer? My perfect angel? My fallen angel? My best mistake? Manipulator?" He comes towards me. "Or would you like to call you a hot piece of a-"

"Innocent flower is looking pretty good right now."

"You know, we could run away. Just leave everything behind. No drama. No memories. Just us." He holds my hands as if he plans on dancing with me.

"Can we take the kids?"

"No. I want you to myself."

"Why runaway? I'm trying so hard not to anymore. Why are you supporting my bad habits?" I question. "Plus, you leave soon. You'll disappear. I'll be the one to tell our kids that I ran away from them with their father and now I'm back because he's gone. Do you not understand Zayn? You leave and I die. I was so close to leaving."

"Please, don't do this to me. I can't lose you. If you go I'll have to go."

"You're already going. You're not giving me a choice. I'm not okay Zayn. I have never been okay and I don't think I ever will be. I can't live this kind of life anymore. I don't like it a bit. I just wanted to grow up, find a nice guy, and settle down. I never thought I would be stuck in my home because there are paparazzi all over on the hunt for me. They wanna know everything Zayn. Why I don't speak to my mum as much. Why my brother was friends with a kidnapper. And you know what Zayn? I do it for you. I did it for mum and I'm doing it for you."

"Who are you angry at?"

"The world! I'm angry at the world! Fuck a bitch! I'm sick of everything!"

"You're shouting. You must be upset." I give him a nasty glare. "Okay, yes, that was obvious."

"I would hate to run away because I will always be a prisoner in my own mind."

"Yeah well, I didn't exactly ask for a depressed, bipolar, and aggressive wife."

"Excuse me?"

"Perrie never had a problem with me going on tour." He continues. "Why are you so difficult?"

"Well, guess what Zayn, I'm not Perrie! Screw you for comparing me to her. And you know who had a problem with you leaving? You did! That's why you quit your band. So don't you fare be a hypocrite. Wow, thanks for showing your true colours. Here I thought I'd die if I didn't have you for a year and here you are. I'm so over this." Worst part is, he was still holding me. No, even more worse, I refused to have him let me go. We weren't shouting. But, there was tension. "Why do you do this? Why must you always hurt me before you go?"

"You can't miss me if you're angry."

"I could never be angry at you. You don't get it, do you? I'm in love with you. I'm so much in love with you. Please understand. I want you to stay. But I promised Jawwad I wouldn't do this anymore. I told him I'd let you be free." I grasp onto him tighter. "But you've gotta let me be free. I feel trapped Zayn. Yeah, I love it when you get jealous. But I hate it when you're possessive."

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I fucked up your life. I'm sorry I made you depressed. I'm sorry I make you angry. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry I met you." He choked out.

I wiped his tears. "Please don't cry. It breaks my heart." I began to feel a sharp pain in my chest. "I'm so afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of me. I don't want to get like that ever again. When you left, I stopped eating. I stopped speaking. I forgot me. How do you do that? How do you get me to forget me?"

"I don't mean to. I have a confession."

"Go ahead. Nothing could hurt me now."

"I tried to break you. When I told you all those lies. When I told you I didn't love you. When I left you. I wanted to make it so you wouldn't leave. I wanted you to only want me. I hurt you so you'd never be able to leave."

"Wow,"

"I'm sorry. I also tried to ruin you. I ruined you so bad that you wouldn't feel safe in anyone else's arms but mine." That's why it never felt right? "I wanted to destroy any aspersion you had for any other person. I tried hard to trap you so you'd be vulnerable. So you couldn't survive if I wasn't next to you."

"Good job."

"Why?"

"You met your goals. I'm broken. All I am is a walking mess. My heart is failing. My head hurts. Everything hurts."

"I wouldn't say I did what I wanted."

"Why not?"

"Because now I can't breathe when you're not in my arms. I'm ruined. I destroyed myself. Everything about you ruined me. I tried to keep you for myself. I never realised what I was trying to do. I never realised why I wanted to do it. I was obsessed. I was addicted. My worst fear became you leaving me. I can't believe I'm going to admit this but, I actually cry when you ignore me. My heart falls when your attention is on anything but me."

"If you come back, don't expect me to be breathing."

"When I come back, I expect you to be breathing. I expect to find my innocent flower. I want to recognise you. I don't want to love a stranger."

"You'll know me. You'll hear my heart stop." I remind. "I hope to gods I don't forget you."

"If you do, I'll be sure to remind you. Your heartbeat will forever be in my memory."

"Your memory fades."

"Just like your love."

"Oh Zayn, if only you understood how I die inside when I wake and you're not next to me. I'm contravene."
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Hope you enjoyed! So, why is Harry's voice so hot?

This girl decided to argue with me about how Katy shouldn't have let the model from Taylor's video be in her commercial. Like, since when did Taylor own him?

Honestly, Louis and Liam are such liars. Saying they aren't in the mile high club.

I've got so much to do. I've gotta get my friend 8 gifts because she celebrates Hanukkah and I don't think it's fair that she has to spend it at school. So she can wake up everyday and open a gift before school.

Later potatoes. We're almost done.