So.... Is this the part where I cry? I was sitting in the sitting room waiting for Zayn to get home
"Are you ready to stop acting childish?" He said coming in
"Are you ready to stop being a jerk?" I shot back
"So what if I don't believe Perrie could hurt me?" He said throwing his hands in the air
"Sorry Zayn" I said sarcastically "it's kinda hard to let things like that go, especially when it's the girl you cheated with"
"You've gotta let that go" he shouted and I scoffed
"I will not let it go" I shouted back "it could be 10 years from now and I still won't forgive you"
"Fine by me" he said "I'm only trying to make this work because I have to"
"W-what?" I asked
"Didn't your brother tell you?" He said "he made me promise to take you back"
"He wouldn't do that" I argued
"Why don't you ask him?" He said "if it weren't for him threatening to kill me I would've left you a long time ago"
"I can't believe you" I said as tears streamed down my face "I confined in you, I told you things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I gave myself to you"
"No one asked you to" he said shrugging. Of course, I knew he was right. No one asked me to do anything
"I wish it had been me" I whispered
"You for what?" He said
"I wish I was in the driver's seat" I said "if I had the choice to stay, I would've left without hesitation"
"W-what?" He asked wide eyed "are you suicidal?"
"I've been wanting to kill myself since I was 13" I started "the thoughts stopped, you brought them back Zayn. You brought back my depression. Is that why you stayed?"
"Why I stayed?" He repeated
"Because you thought you could be with Perrie?" I asked "just say the words Zayn. I'll leave"
"What words?" He asked
"I. Don't. Love. You" I said "say it"
"I don't love you" he said in a whisper "at least, not like that"
"No Zayn" I said "don't add the like that part for my benefit. You don't love me at all. I'm leaving, and this time I'm never coming back. You'll never see me again. Be happy. You won't have to marry the unwanted mistake"
With that I left. Where will I go? I didn't wanna see Mark right now. I'll just have to go to Robin's
*
"Hey Robin" I said as she opened the door
"Why are you crying?" She asked and I shrugged her off
"I'm fine" I lied "can't I just visit my best mate?"
"Not while your face is covered in mascara streaks" she said and I sighed
"Hey babe" Louis said coming out of the kitchen "where are th- Heaven?"
"Hi" I said wiping away the tears
"What happened?" He asked and I shook my head
"Nothing" I said refusing to let anymore tears fall
"Is Zayn here?" He asked. I broke down at the sound of his name
"Did he hurt you?" Robin asked and I nodded
"He was only pretending to love me" I said through tears "I told him about my parents. I trusted him. All he did was make me feel so worthless"
"What happened?" She asked laying me in her lap
"He blames me" I said "I knew it was my fault. I should've been the one in the driver's side. I should've died"
"Please don't ever speak like that again" she begged me "you promised you wouldn't think like that anymore"
"It's the things that he does" I said "he makes it so easy to just reach for the container of pills"
"Louis" she said with tears in her eyes "I'm sorry but I'm going to murder him"
She went to the kitchen and came back with a knife. She almost made it through the door
"Babe" he said taking the knife away
"I can't lose her" she said quietly
"You can't lose what was never there" I muttered
"You promised me that you'd stay" she yelled
"I guess we all break our promises" I said shrugging
"You're not seriously gonna end your life because of Zayn are you?" Louis asked and I shook my head
"It's not because of Zayn" I said "I've been wanting to kill myself for years. Right after my parents died. I almost got rid of the mistake I am, but the nuns at the orphanage caught me"
"You're an orphan?" He asked and I nodded
"I can't take the pain that is this world anymore" I said "I'm giving up"
He handed me the knife and left. He just handed me the weapon that'll kill me. Thanks!
*
"Stop" Jesse said as her and my countless number of mates ran in
"Stop what?" I asked
"Don't kill yourself" Dana said
"I wasn't gonna" I said and she scoffed
"Then why are you holding a knife?" She asked
"To cut a bitch" I said as my sarcastic side started to come back. I handed her knife and she jumped back. Did she really think I was about to kill her? "Sorry, I didn't realize you were allergic to bitch repellant"
"She seems fine to me" Liam said
"I am fine" I said "I'm not gonna kill myself, I'm just going away for a really long time"
"How long?" Niall asked
"As long as it takes to get to mum and dad" I said "I want Peter Pan to carry me"
"The Peter Pan from the book?" Stella asked
"No" I said "Peter Pan carried kids to heaven. That's why they couldn't grow up. They were dead. I wanna be like them"
No one said anything. They all just watched me in shock
---------------
This chapter was to address a serious issue. Depression. If you're feeling depressed, you can speak with me. Sadly I can relate
YOU ARE READING
Zayn Malik? But do I care?
Random(Cringe warning. I started this when I first began writing) I wanted to slap everyone in their faces. All they wanted to talk about was Zayn. "Do I look like I care about what he thinks?" "but he's Zayn Malik!" Robin says. She wasn't fond of him but...
