We'll Never be Sane

Chapter 34

My chest lowered as I let out a quiet sigh.

Ruffled sheets. Sweaty hair. I'd been laying still for moments long enough to Enzo to look at me weirdly. But he didn't speak. He just laid there, satisfied with heavy eyelids.

My thoughts didn't get insistent until the haze started to clear.

Until I realised where I was, and exactly what I'd just done. I knew I couldn't go back from this, and it terrified me more than anything ever did.

Instead of me cooling down, every inch of my skin burned hotter. I wanted to think, to stress about my stupidity but I was so tired, and he was so near. With warm, strong arms and a glint in his eyes that told me he was going to tease me about this forever.

"This will fade." I reminded.

He reached out, lightly stroking the side of my face down to my lips with his thumb. It barely touched me, yet I erupted into goosebumps.

"Are you trying to repel me?"

I slowly blinked, not having the courage to pull my eyes away from his. In this moment, they were the softest I'd ever seen them. Another thing to be terrified of.

And another thought that makes my throat swell with unease. Was he like this every time he slept with a woman?

Here came the bitterness.

I sat up, rubbed my head and suddenly felt too bare. I'd just slept with Enzo. The man who I promised to myself I'd never come close enough to do this with, and now I'm just another one of the girls he bagged.

A violent churning happens in my stomach and before I can stop myself, they fall out. "Is that how you act with every girl?"

His eyebrows formed a crease in his forehead. "What do you mean?"

I remained silent, nibbling on my lower lip.

"Why do you keep trying to hate me?"

"Because...I do." I breathed. "This doesn't change anything."

Once I'd said the words, a mixture of venom and guilt formed inside of me.

And just like that, any warmth, any human in his eyes disappeared. He got up, threw on a pair of pants and walked out, leaving me in an echo of my own words and misery.

I wanted to say I was sorry, to call out and tell him to come back. But this was for the best. I'd fallen weak for the first time in my life tonight and I wasn't going to do it again.

He'd hurt me one day. I was only protecting myself, something nobody had ever done.

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The next morning I woke up to see a pile of bags in the corner of the room. He'd already packed, I should probably start too. Our bus was leaving soon.

The ride back was a complete nightmare, I just tried staying asleep most of the time, but it was hard sitting next to Roman. He kept waking me up by accidentally elbowing while taking selfies.

And what made the ride 10x more worse was the fact that this girl, Chloe kept talking to Enzo. He didn't seem interested though.

Sometimes i'd look around and accidentally meet eyes with him, but neither of us said anything.

We were strangers again.

He was giving me my space. That's what I wanted, so why did it feel so wrong?