Norah & Daniel

Chapter-38

The floor was covered in paper, several of them, lying scattered everywhere and a few of them lied where he was sitting, his back against the edge of his bed, hands clasped together and resting on his knees.

"Daniel..." I managed to choke out, still standing near the door.

"You shouldn't have come," his reply came.

It took me by surprise. He was too quiet, no sign of aggression in his voice.

I took a step towards him. "Daniel, I am so sorry. I ca-"

"Norah, please don't." He turned a little to look at me and the passiveness of his voice was mirrored in them too, but it wasn't the silence which came from peace. "Just don't."

I took a few tentative steps towards him. "Please, Daniel, just let me explain, please. Just once."

He kept his eyes on me as I sat on the floor too, facing him. "What do you have to explain?"

His behavior was scaring me, making me wonder if it was the calmness before the storm. "We didn't mean that to happen, Daniel. It was all a mistake. Nate was so sad and I didn't know...I only wanted him to...so I told him to think of me as Em and say what was on his mind and I know it sounds stupid and maybe it is but I don't know what happened there and he was crying and I..." I tugged on my hair. I was running out of breath, half of my words were mixing together. "And I am just sorry. That shouldn't have happened, but please you gotta see he didn't mean to-"

"I don't care why he kissed you," Daniel said, his tone balanced as ever. I stared blankly at him. "I just want to know why you let him."

I struggled for words.

What should I tell him? That I was too shocked to do anything? That would have been like the worst excuse.

Or that I didn't push Nathan away because I was scared of hurting him?

"I'm sorry, Daniel..." I whispered, practically begging him.

I took his hand in between mine, like that was going to help me somehow.

He looked at my hands holding his, then back at me. "If I had been in your place and you were in mine, do you think a sorry would have fixed it for you?"

"I know it's not enough. I know it does nothing and I know I messed up but please..." The reek of desperation was so strong in my words. But again they did nothing to his unaffected eyes.

He looked at the floor, scanning all the sheets of paper lying around and I waited for his reply but he remained silent.

"Say something," I breathed out. "Please..."

"I can't do this," he said, looking up, and the curtain of stillness was missing from his face. But he didn't look mad either.

He looked heartbroken.

His voice was tired, like years of distress rushing out all at once.

"I can't go through that. Not again," he repeated, words breaking with his voice.

My mind was already a mess and his words were confusing me even more. "What- what...again?"

"It was like an exact repeat of the day I saw you with Sebastian for the first time," he spoke, looking straight in my eyes. "Only today it feels worse."

I was still staring at him, while trying to understand what he was saying.

"I should go," he told me. "I need to get away from you."

He got up to leave but I stopped him by the hand. I wasn't giving up so easily. "Daniel, please don't do this. There has to be a way I could make it alright."