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For 23 minutes I watched you.

You were a magnet, drawing me to you.
I only briefly caught a glimpse of you walking through a crowded street but that was enough to push my legs to run. Run to you.

You sat down on a bench in the subway, waiting for a train to take you somewhere, somewhere far from me.

So I stood at an opening and watched the side of your figure, contemplating and wondering about something.
I wanted to know what you were thinking of so deeply, could it be me? I needed to know, but I couldn't bring myself to approach you.

Not after how I left you in the alleyway.

Instead, for 23 minutes, I thought about where we went wrong. I knew where we went wrong.
And I hated myself for it.

But there's so much you don't know Y/N L/N. I pushed you away to save you from me.
You helped me over and over again but I never got the chance to thank you for it.
To love for you for it.

A couple of months ago, I saw you through the window of a cafe. Your beauty enthralled me. You were the reason I spent hours there.

I left my wallet behind that day on purpose. I wanted you to notice it, like cheese in a trap.
I hoped that you would find it and subsequently, find me.

And you did. I was so glad you did.
I wanted you to stop me from leaving, show interest in me. And you grabbed my sleeve! I was so excited, I was about to ask for your number but you flew past all of my defences and actually showed concern for the state of my face.
That, I admit, pissed me.

I thought you had no right showing concern for a stranger like that, it rocked me.

But I still went to the cafe the following days after.
And you were nice enough to offer that cheesecake. I hate myself for snapping at you. I just didn't like the look of pity in your eyes.

The guilt of hurting you ate away at the speck of morality I had left. So I went to the cafe the next day and sat at your usual spot next to the window.
I was disappointed when you chose not to sit with me. I was even more disappointed when I saw your order. Green tea instead of cheesecake.

That's when I knew my words really messed you up.

After racking my mind on how I should apologise... I chose to take the cowards way out and ease into it with an offering of your favourite cheesecake.
My heart fluttered a little when you took it with a suppressed smile.

My heart exploded when you sat with me the next day.

I wanted you for a night. And I was determined to make that happen. Now I know you're...you deserve so much more than that- you're someone I grew to genuinely love and care for.
But I fucked it all up.

I didn't think a gorgeous girl like you would be so self conscious about her image and weight. So I joked about it, I pushed you to talk about it.

Your defence was offence.
You pushed me talk about my bruises. Touché.
Looking back on it, I overreacted. I hurt you with my insensitive words.

But it was the first time a girl had actually tried to get to know me and not measure my worth by how I make her feel in bed.
It threw me off.

I was going to move on from you, find another girl to chase... but something happened.
Fate brought you to me. To my vulnerable, battered body in that alleyway on that fateful day.

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