Temporary -An Aaron Hotchner Story-

24

Emily's funeral went by as a blur.

I can't really remember any of it.

Aaron said some words and Spencer was crying and I was leaning on him, but the only thing I remember is placing a rose over her casket.

My migraines have gotten worse since my head injury. They get so bad I haven't been able to drive.

Crying doesn't help.

"Alessandra" I'm ripped from a trance on the way to my car and I look up to see Victoria, red with rage, standing in front of me. "Victoria" I greet in shock as I push my sunglasses closer to my eyes. They're ridiculously sensitive to light at the moment, and they're so puffy they're nearly swollen shut.

Victoria takes my arm and drags me away from the crowd with a sharp "What were you thinking?!" My head throbs from the quick movements as I try and think back to what she could possibly be talking about.

"You are on leave and you took on Doyle with no backup, no authorization, and no regard for how that would backfire on me." She scolds me and I rip my arm from her grip having had enough of her shit.

"Are you kidding me" I snort and she looks at me in a myriad of anger and confusion, but I've had it.

Today's not the day.

"You know what, Victoria" I throw my hands up in exasperation.

How dare she?! At Emily's funeral? She has the audacity to reprimand me at Emily's funeral.

"I am sick and tired of your...ridiculous self-interest! You are constantly on my ass about something I did wrong with every case! If you are so insecure with your own performance at work maybe you should use all the energy you waste chastising me for something that will make you a better agent."

She gawks at me with wide eyes as I run my head in an attempt to get rid of the headache building from the culmination of all the events of these past days.

Victoria opens her mouth to speak, but my anger's too much for me to let her.

"I can't believe you really have the audacity to show up here, of all places, and reprimand me for making a decision that is out of your hands! You have no authority when it comes to Doyle. I was brought on by one of the agents that were a part of JFT-12 and I answer to them and only them."

My head feels like it's getting ready to split.

I have to get out of here.

"Look, Victoria, if you want to fire me, then fire me, but remember that you have to run that by the Chief first and I just took down two mobsters on the Most Wanted list. So either fill out your report for my termination or..."

I notice everyone's eyes on us and lean in to whisper in her face.

"Get out of my way."

She stares at me in absolute shock, but takes a step to the side and I just push past her with my head low to offer some extra protection from the sun.

"Sandy, you okay" asks Spencer and I nod, dropping my keys into his hand and ordering "You drive." He doesn't argue and I just step into the passenger side of my car, thankful for my tinted windows, as I rip the sunglasses off and run my hands over my face. Spencer watches me with wary eyes, but he doesn't say anything.

Denial.

It's the first of five stages of grief and over the last week I've experienced it first hand. Sergio will climb onto my bed at night and I look up waiting for Emily to follow with a bottle of wine and a deck of cards. I woke up next to Aaron and my heart jumped thinking maybe it was Emily and everything had just been some sort of terrible nightmare. I'm used to having nightmares. Those I can handle. Not this.