Hatred and Lust | Hisoka x Illumi

34.

Illumi's POV

I let go of Hisoka, grumbling to myself,
I tried my best staying calm while confronting them but now, I couldn't take it.
I walked out the mansion, Hisoka following behind me. Couple minutes later, we were back in the car. Though I didn't start the engine right away.
"Hisoka."
He turned me me, smiling.
"Yes, baby?~"
I took a deep breath, gripping onto the wheel.
"Am I.. a disappointment?"
I watched Hisoka's eyes widen, and gently take my hand.
"Illumi. Oh god.. don't start this again. You know hate seeing you like this."

I choked back a sob.
"I know. I'm sorry.. I just."
Tears started streaming down my face, tilting my head down.
"I don't know what to do anymore. I came all this way. Just for that. And basically treated like something to be used once than thrown away. Its like all they care about now is their alliance with Aoi's shitty as group!"
Hisoka caressed my chin, holding onto my hand as more and more tears fell down my face.
"They raised me, to be a good assassin. They never questioned my love life. How is the even fair? They already had full control of something in my life. All the way up to my adulthood."
Hisoka lifted my chin up, his expression softening.
"It isn't. You have to follow what your heart wants to do. Not your guardians."

My vision was getting blurry.
More tears.
"Hisoka.. I don't even know who I am anymore. What I'm supposed to be, who I'm supposed to be. Who knew, Something so simple. Like an arranged marriage, could break me. It's truly because I never lived up to who I'm supposed to be, right?"
Hisoka let go of me and hugged me tightly.
"Illumi. Stop.. you're everything I could've asked for, and seeing you question yourself like this.. it's worrying me. Are you sure, you're keeping your mental health in check?"
I wiped my tears, leaning into Hisoka.
"Hisoka. We've killed hundreds of people probably. I've been used as a test subject for my entire life. But not once have I stopped and thought about my mental health. So no. I don't know. But at this point, its too late. And I don't care."
Hisoka hugged my tighter, burying his face into my shoulder.
"Just.. remember I'm here for you. Okay?"
I gripped onto his shirt.

"I guess."
—————
The car ride was silent.
We were both completely stuck on what to do about the current situation. We knew Aoi would never give up unless my parents called off the deal. But after the last ordeal, that probably wasn't an option.
We were back in the house, I was leaning on the couch while Hisoka fixed up something to eat.
I felt kinda bad.
I never did.
I was basically relying on Hisoka with my life now. When did I become so soft.
I used to be so tough.
Right?
He came over with bacon, eggs, and a couple other stuff.

He put his arm around me, kissing my cheeks but I gave no reaction.
"Thanks."
He nodded, sighing.
"So. Any ideas so far? She's literally insane."
I shook my head, leaning my head back.
"No not really. Maybe we can bribe her with something. I don't know."
Hisoka looked down at the ground for a bit.
"Wait.. thats it!!"

I raised an eyebrow
"Whats.. what?"
He grinned at me.
"We can bribe or make a deal with her, and try out best to meet her demands. We'll lose all contact with your parents, get Aoi out of our life, and live in complete peace."
I slowly nodded along, agreeing more as he talked.
"Thats.. actually really simple. Why didn't I think of that."
He grinned, pecking me on the lips
"I don't know how long this might take, but I'll do anything, just for everything to go back normal. After this all blows over, we can go hunt someone down and kill them, just for you. Okay?"

I smiled lightly.
"Sounds great."
—————

School sucked today, I don't want to go back 😀
sorry for the angst🧍
Anyways
Vote and comment if you want to ig m

Word count;
701