Eenie Meenie Minie Mo

Chapter Forty

  “Oh, no, that’s not it!” I lashed out adamantly. “I am so over him, believe me!”

  Sawyer narrowed his eyes a bit. “That’s the thing, Kodi. I don’t.” When all I could do was stare at him in dumbfound amazement, he continued, “Look, I went into this knowing full well you weren’t over him. I guess I just thought after a while….”

  He was breaking my heart. Standing there, obviously trying not to yell at me. I didn’t understand why he was holding himself back. Yeah, it would hurt like hell inside to have him shout mean and horrible things to me. But I think I could have handled that better. And I wasn’t getting the easy way out of this. I got pissed but collected Sawyer. Even when he was justified he was a gentleman. What had I done?

  “I thought I would be, too,” I whispered, breaking the silence.

  “I never realized how much you liked him.”

  There was nothing I could say to that.

  “I’m not going to pretend like I get it,” he went on. “Cause I don’t. But you shouldn’t be with me if you still have feelings for him. That’s not fair to either of us.”

  I nodded, finding fascination in my shoes.

  Sawyer’s fingers brushed beneath my jaw. “Kodi, look at me.” I looked up, marveling at the weak smile on his mouth that didn’t quite reach his despondent eyes. “I don’t regret being with you. Do you believe me?”

  I nodded again.

  “It’s clear you have some things to sort out,” he continued regrettably. “Until you do….I just don’t think we should see eachother anymore.”

  I bit my lip to hold back my whimper. I’d been expecting that this entire time, and yet….him saying it made it so much more real. He was right, of course. We shouldn’t date. But I couldn’t help but feel as if I was losing him for good. It tore me apart, the reality of losing one of my best friends. But I couldn’t keep doing this to him.

  “That’s not to say we can’t give it another try if you decide you’re better off without him,” Sawyer added gently. “I’m not pressuring you into anything this time.”

  “You’ve never pressured me,” I assured him.

  He gave me a disbelieving smirk. “I did. We both know it.” A long moment of silence stretched between us. Just when I was beginning to lose myself in my own tortured thoughts, Sawyer said softly, “I don’t want you to be with me just because you don’t want to be with him.”

  Grasping his hand, I said, “I want you to know that whatever is going on with me and Leander, it’s not real. I don’t know what it is, but it’ll never work. But I can’t risk hurting you more in trying to figure it out, to get over this.”

  Sawyer stared at our entwined fingers for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

  I drew in a soft breath, preparing myself for anything. “Yes.”

  He let the moment drag on for another minute before meeting my eyes. His expression alone told me I wasn’t going to like whatever he said, but I refused to look away. “Do you love him?”

  For a few seconds I didn’t even breathe. I was sure the look on my face told Sawyer everything he needed to know and more, but I still murmured, “Yes.”

  Sawyer nodded as if he hadn’t expected any less.

  I opened my mouth to tell him I was sure my stupid and foolish love would get me nowhere, that I’d already screwed everything up on that end too, but I decided against. The last thing he needed or wanted were my half-hearted excuses.

  Without a word, he pulled me into him for a tight hug. I clung to him almost desperately, burrowing my face into his shoulder. I was grateful he couldn’t see my face or the extra tears. He didn’t need to feel obligated to hold back anymore because of my silly emotions.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered yet again.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he murmured back. “We can’t help who we fall in love with.”

  I closed my eyes tightly. I hated standing here, being the girl who was falling apart when it was clear I’d broken his heart. How does a girl live with herself after breaking a guy’s heart?

  With a soft kiss on my forehead, Sawyer managed at least one half-hearted smile before nodding and walking out the house.

  I followed silently behind him, hiding behind the door so he couldn’t see me when he pulled out of the drive. And there he went. The boy who could have been my everything if I’d just let him.

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A/N I was going to add a few more lines after this, but I thought that last line was perfect; so I left it alone. And, once again, my beautiful video that I slaved away to make refuses to download so I couldn’t post it yet again :P I know it’s short, but I didn’t have the heart to drag this out with anything else. I think it was pretty perfect and to the point. And, yes, I started crying. Just imagining poor Sawyer’s face….gah. I didn’t like this chapter at all.

  This time, it was Kodi who was disobedient. She was supposed to deny, deny, deny! But I figured it she was ever going to admit she loved Leander, it’d have to be now and it’d have to be when she thought she owed something to someone else. So this was the only way I could do this, really, without admitting to Leander herself. I’m thinking five more chapters :O Bout freaking time! I am so ready for this story to over, y’all have no clue. One, I think my writing has gotten sloppy a few times and my dialogue is better than my description. I hate that. Anyway, I’ll be sad, and I think y’all might hate me for the end, but it’s not so bad.

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HaNnAh,

P.S This is it! I will not even think about writing for this story until after Wednesday!