Truly, Madly, Deeply (Book 2 of the Summer Love series) || 1D

TEN: Hoping They're Okay

    After that fight, Zayn had a concussion and I had a sprained wrist and a nearly dislocated shoulder. Lou was so mad at both of us, and I was so mad at myself. Since then, Zayn and I agreed to try our hardest not to get physical with each other when we fight. We agreed that no fight, no matter how upset we are, is worth putting each other in the hospital. Of course, there are still times when we forget or simply don't care enough to follow that rule, but in general we stick to it. We haven't gotten seriously physical with each other since then. 

    Since we agreed not to get physical with each other, though, we have had to become experts at destroying each other verbally. Zayn has always been better at words than me--at least in my opinion. He takes the things he knows I'm insecure about and uses them against me with such unmatchable eloquence and force. When he's really upset with me, he knows exactly what to say and how to say it in order to shut me down completely. He can definitely pack a mean punch physically, but I would venture to say that his words are able to hurt me way worse than any physical fight ever could. I think he knows that, too. 

    Like I said, I really hope he's not too upset with me. I really don't feel like fighting with him, even though I know I probably deserve it. I can't help but think about how he probably wouldn't be upset or hurt at all if Lou and I hadn't asked him to go to Malibu. When I decided not to go, I wanted Lou to go. I knew that he'd keep Briley laughing, and there's no one else I trust to take care of her in my absence more than him. I practically begged Lou to go back to Malibu, but he was convinced it would be better for Zayn to go, especially after the miscarriage.

    I feel for Zayn, I really do. I feel awful about what Briley and I did to him. I got so caught up in how much I love and missed her that I jumped at the chance to be with her again. I don't regret going to Paris for a second. I know I'd do it all over again in an instant if I could. But I also know that we really hurt him, which saddens me beyond believe. I know being with me is what Briley wants, and, selfishly, I'm really happy to have her back. I just wish it didn't have to happen at Zayn's expense. 

    I really hope he comes to the studio today. In some way, I feel like if he doesn't, that will be confirmation for me that I've really, really hurt him. I know I have, but I hope he's not so hurt to the point where he feels like he can't come to the studio if I'm around. I think Zayn is more professional than that, though. I don't think he'd allow his hurt to get in the way of coming to the studio and doing what needs to be done. It is work, after all.

    "Well, I mean... he has to come, right? It's work. He can't just let his feelings decide whether he comes or not, can he?" I ask aloud. Lou looks at me and laughs a little.

    "What? You mean like how you let your feelings decide to ditch work for three days while you snuck off to Paris with his girlfriend without telling anyone?" Lou responds. I go quiet and look down. He's right. He's always right. I know I can always count on Lou to tell me the harsh truth, but I have to admit, that hurt a little. Lou puts his hand on my knee. "Sorry, pumpkin. I didn't mean to sound harsh. I know you're already upset about this." he comforts me. I take a breath and keep my head down.

    "It's okay. It's the truth." I respond as we finally pull up to the studio.

    As we walk inside, I notice we're the first of the five of us to arrive. Lou likes to be early. It's sort of a blessing for me because I'm typically late. If it weren't for him, I'd almost never show up on time, let alone be early. We shake hands with the writers. One of them we've written with before, the other two we've never met. One of our managers sits in the corner. It's pretty typical to have at least one representative of Modest Management at each of our writing sessions, making sure to approve every lyric we write. They don't usually say much or interact as we write. They're mainly there to take notes and jump in if they disapprove of something, then report back to Simon with notes once we're done. As we introduce ourselves to the writers, Liam walks in. We all mingle for a while as we wait for Niall and Zayn to show up.