Short Stories/Song Lyrics

180 - Cell Block Tango (He Had It Coming)

And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail and their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'!

He had it coming. He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, and if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same. You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like...Bernie! Bernie liked to chew gum--no, not chew. Pop. So, I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, looking for a little sympathy. There's Bernie lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing--no, not chewing, Popping. So, I said to him, I said "Bernie, if you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots into his head!
     He had it coming. He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, and if you'd have heard it, I betcha you would have done the same. I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. It was like heaven in two and a half rooms. Then, I found out, single he told me? Single my ass! Not only was he married, he had six wives! It was one of those Mormons, you know? So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
     He had it coming. He took a flower in its prime! Then he used it, and he abused it. It was a murder, but not a crime! Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, I'm carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage. "You been screwing the milkman!" he said. He was crazy! He kept on screaming, "You been screwing the milkman!" Then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times. If you'd have been there, and if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same.
     Mit keresek én itt? Azt mondják, a híres lakóm lefogta a férjem, én meg lecsaptam a fejé. De nem igaz! Én ártatlan vagyok! Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Próbáltam a rendőrségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg! "But did you do it?" Uh uh, not guilty!
     My sister, Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband, Charlie, used travel around with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row--one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other! Well, this one night, we were in Cicero. It was just the three of us sittin' up in a hotel room boozing and having a few laughs. We ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back and open the door... There's Veronica and Charlie doing number seventeen... the spread eagle. I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.
     They had it coming. They had it coming all along! I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong? They had it coming. They had it coming all along! They took a flower in its prime! I didn't do it, but if I'd done it... They used it, and they abused it. How could you tell me that I was wrong? It was a murder, but not a crime!
     I loved Al Lipschitz more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter. But he was troubled, he was always trying to "find himself". He'd go out every night looking for himself. Along the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving. I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead! The dirty bum!
     They had it coming. They had it coming all along Because they used us, and they abused us! How could they tell us that we were wrong? He had it coming. He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, and if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same! You pop that gum one more time... Single my ass! Ten times! Miért csukott Uncle Sam börtönbe! Number seventeen, the spread eagle! Artistic difference! I betcha you would have done the same!

//translated Hungarian: What am I doing here? They say my famous resident captured my husband, I slapped his head. But it's not true! I am innocent! I don't know why Uncle Sam says I did. I tried to explain to the police, but they didn't understand!

//word count: 856 words.