Billie eilish imagines 🔥

Save me ✔️

⚠️ self harm ⚠️

I can't take this anymore, all the pain. It's just too much, but I don't want to kill myself, I can't do that to my family girlfriend and friends it's just not fair

My dad always used to tell me "ending it doesn't take the pain away it just passes it on to your loved ones"

I was laid on the bathroom floor crying, not knowing what to do anymore

I stand up and search though the draws and cabinets for something sharp, anything with a sharp end I will take it

I give up looking and rush to my office, I search through all of my pencils cases and finally find a sharpener I grab the screw driver and take it apart until I just have a blade

I rush back to the bathroom and put my shaky hand up to my arm before taking a deep breath and push it into me and drag it down letting out a wrenching scream at the same time

I watch as blood drips from my arm and it feels... good

I do another one, deeper this time as a few tears fall from my eyes

I do more and more getting so deep I can barely keep hold of the blade

I wrap my arm up using a bandage and pull a long sleeve shirt over my head and then a hoodie and check the time, 3 more hours until our date ok we are going to be ok

I walk back into the bathroom and pull my hoodie and shirt to see my fat stomach

You can see my ribs pretty detailed but it's not good enough

I lean over the toilet and make myself gag using my fingers until I throw up 4 times

I use toilet paper to clean my mouth and stand up tumbling on my feet slightly as I start to get a headache

I have to get rid of this headache now

I reach into the cabinet and pull out a bottle of Advil and throw a bunch into my hand and use the tap water to get them down my throat

I throw some more into my mouth and get them down my throat

I try to walk back into my room but feel super dizzy

My stomach churns and I clutch it from the pain and I back up to the wall and drop down

I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial the only number I have memorised

Not even one ring later she picks up and sound super happy

Now I have to ruin her room, more proof of what a disappointment I am

"Baby! I am just picking up a few things for our movie date tonight-"

"I love you billie" I interrupt her

"Baby, are you ok? You sound like your crying!" She sound concerned

Billie knows my history of depression and anorexia/eating disorders but she has no idea they are back

"I'm so sorry, I love you so much" I sobb

"I'm coming over now, please don't tel me you've done anything stupid" she says and I hear shuffling around

"It hurt so bad"

"Fuck y/n don't do this do me, stay with me" I can tell she's driving and trying not to cry

"Come quick" is all I remember saying before completely blacking out

I wake up to blackness and hope I'm dead

I don't want to be in a coma

I try to open my eyes and hope I just see the light

I open them and I do