8. Millions Of Thoughts

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A/N: Really enjoyed writing this chapter and i hope you enjoy reading it. :)



 “Look.” I started and I noticed him getting nervous. I wonder what he thought I would tell him. “I told you to forget about what happened the other day-“ I started and took a deep breath. “-but I can’t even forget it myself.” I added and his eyes widened. “Sauli, I think you’re amazing.” Now I was the one who got nervous. “When I first walked through this door-“ I said, pointing at the entrance of the room but I kept my eyes on him. “-and I first saw you I thought ‘Wow, who is this boy?’ But you know, it happened that I am your teacher.” I shrugged with my shoulders and the corners of my mouth fell. “So I guess it wasn’t supposed to happen.” I mumbled and watched his expression changing from being all surprised and happy to sad.

It was completely silently around us for a second and we just stared at each other when he finally said something.

“Why did you tell me that?” He asked and looked away, not wanting any eye contact.

“I was just being honest with you.” I answered. “And I thought that’s what you wanted to hear?”

“It is.” He nodded. “Except for the last part. At least you were honest with me for once.” Sauli mumbled and was about to leave.

“Okay, what is this?” I asked, grabbing his wrist and stopping him from leaving.

“This is just so stupid. We both want each other, we both like each other. And just because of some stupid rules and boundaries we can’t be together.” He shook his head, while he faced me again after he turned away.

“If I could change it, I would.” I whispered.

“Well, you can! Ignore these fucking boundaries and just do what the hell you want. What we want.” He shouted and made me letting go of his wrist. He really was angry, but only for a second because his face turned sad again. And I hated seeing him like this. “You have no idea of how much I want to be with you. And I know it’s not just me. You feel like this is right for us, too.” Sauli was so adorable while saying this and especially when he grabbed and hold my hands.

“It’s not right. I wanted to be honest with you and tell you about the things I feel since you were honest with me, too. But I never said that these feelings are right, because they aren’t.” I answered, shaking my head and letting go of his hands. “I just can’t.” I sighed, took my bag and left the room without giving Sauli a chance to answer anything.

I knew I was being childish again. But I needed to tell him even though I might hurt his feelings. I never meant to hurt him in any way, but did I have an option?

Did I regret telling him? No, I didn’t. He was honest with me, so I just wanted to be honest with him, too. He deserved the truth. And I finally had a feeling of relief filling my whole body.

On the next day when it was time for maths, I already sat at my desk and waited for everyone to arrive. And slowly, one by one, they did. I just tried to act like nothing had happened between Sauli and me.

I handed everyone a sheet of paper while walking through the rows. “So, the first test! Take it easy, guys, you have enough time and I really think that everyone is very well prepared.” I said, trying to encourage them when I walked back to my desk and sat down, watching everyone calculating. It was so nice to see that some students actually went through task by task very easily. Only a few struggled a little bit.

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