17. Better than ever

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A few weeks passed and I finally had a daily routine. I got used to be a full-time teacher. And I really realized that this was the job I could do for the rest of my life. I helped a lot of my students improve, their grades show their process. Some of them went from having Fs in the first test to having Cs and Bs now. I was really proud of myself and I was glad that I could watch them grow. That’s the thing about teachers, they should always try to do what’s best for their students while still trying to teach them something. And I had the feeling that I finally found the balance of being their teacher and kind of their friend. From day one I tried to not be a teacher that everyone just despised but I promised myself that I wouldn’t make it too easy for them either. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m not making it easy for them but I’m trying to keep it on a level where they can enjoy maths.

Those were the things I got used to but I still didn’t get used to having such an amazing boyfriend. Sauli really was perfect in every way possible and when we were together I completely forgot and ignored the fact that he was my student. It didn’t really bother me anymore. It was just a negative part of our lives in school but he came over nearly every day after school and we also met every weekend. We both wanted to make it work and we both did it. I didn’t really have a lot of relationships before I met Sauli but none of them was as real and honest as the relationship I have with him. We were a couple for nearly a month and I still couldn’t believe how lucky I was.

It was Saturday again and after we ate dinner together, which I cooked, we sat on my couch.

“I love Saturdays…” I started and smiled at him. “…because we can spent the whole day together.” I added.

“Mhhhm.” Sauli mumbled, completely out of this world and stuck in his own mind.

I watched him staring at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity without him even noticing it. It was like he was there with me physically but not mentally. What was wrong with him? He’s been acting like that for a long time already but every time I asked him what was wrong he just shrugged it off and I always decided to not ask further questions. I wanted him to talk about what bothered him that much when he was ready for it and not when I wanted to hear it. But I was getting really worried. Maybe he was bored of our relationship and I was the only one who saw it as perfect as it looks like for me. Maybe he just didn’t know how to tell me that he got tired of me, so that’s why he was avoiding every conversation or eye contact. What if he just wanted to leave?

“Sauli… you know if I made any mistake, please tell me.” I mumbled. And that was when Sauli suddenly snapped back into reality.

“What?” He asked and frowned. “No, no, no. You haven’t done anything wron-“ He said but I stopped him.

“You can tell me if I did.”

“No, Adam.” He started and swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry for being so weird lately.” He stuttered and took my hand. “But you’re not the reason for my behavior.” He took a deep breath.

“Then what is it?” I asked and stared at our interlocked fingers.

“My parents.” He said while rolling his eyes. “Remember when I told you that everything was fine because I thought they would accept my sexuality? I was wrong.” The atmosphere was tense. “They met a doctor a few days ago, they really think they could ‘heal’ me.”

I shook my head in disbelief. That wasn’t happening, was it?

“They didn’t talk to me about it yet. I was listening to a conversation between them a couple of weeks back and my mum told my dad she would have a meeting with a doctor and my dad was extremely happy about that too.” Sauli explained, biting his bottom lips. “I don’t know what to do if they tell me to go to that doctor.”

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