19. Where nothing seems to go right

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A/N: Okay... here we go...



What time was it? I slept to long this morning and overheard my alarm. Fuck this shit. That never happened to me before. I literally ran into the classroom, entering it five minutes after the bell rang. It could have been later though. I arrived there completely exhausted and already ready for my bed again, I didn’t even had the time to drink coffee that morning which was just such a big no-go for me since I needed coffee to get through the first lessons. But it seemed like I had to handle that on my own that day. Sauli stayed over for so long last night, which was my fault though. I wished he could have stayed the whole night but since his parents didn’t know about it he had to leave. I wondered if he was just as tired as I was.

I was so bored because I was so tired. My own words bored the hell out of me. Ugh. The first two lesson seemed like they just didn’t want to end but when they finally did I made my way over to the teacher’s room, getting myself a coffee after I nearly fell asleep four times in class. I don’t think anyone had noticed but I couldn’t let that happen again. I was only a student teacher, I couldn’t allow myself such mistakes. I already felt bad even though it happened only one time so far. I was already so annoyed of that day.  

The only thing I could look forward to that day was the tutoring session with Sauli since that would be the only time I could be alone with him. I had a few meetings after school and I didn’t know when they would end so I had to cancel an afternoon and evening with him. We couldn’t really do anything in these lessons but just being with him was enough to make me happy. It was always way too risky to even hold his hand for too long, or just give him a small kiss… someone might end up walking into the room without knocking first. We had to be prepared for anything.

I hated this sneaking game really much and yet I couldn’t change it.

When the break was over I woke myself up a little bit so I could go through the next lessons easier. Thank god. I promised myself that it would have been the first and last time that such a thing happened.

I don’t even remember what else happened that day. I was so annoyed of everything, I didn’t even know why. That was kind of a negative effect of being me. When I’m tired everything annoys me. It’s not that I was already tired of being a teacher, I was just tired of that day. Everybody has days like that, right? Where nothing seems to go right…

But then it was finally lunch break and after everyone left to get lunch in the cafeteria I was waiting in the classroom for Sauli who arrived just a few minutes later with a big smile on his face, closing the door behind him.

“Finally.” I smiled as well, widening my eyes a little bit.

“I know right?” Sauli chuckled, walking towards me and trying to kiss me.

“Sauli…” I shook my head, forming a sad smile on my lips.

“Just a second.” He said but it sounded like a question, raising one of his eyebrows. I shook my head again. “Yeah, I mean I don’t want to get you in trouble.”He knew that we couldn’t do that. And I was glad that he accepted it.

“Let’s start working first.” I grinned and winked. And that’s what we did. We sat down and I pulled the worksheet I prepared out of my bag, watching and helping him doing the tasks. It was so nice to see that there were only a few calculations he couldn’t do. I was so proud of him. And most of the time, after I explained how to calculate the tasks, he already got it, tried again and did no mistakes. Seemed like maths actually made sense to him. Finally. Just this fact was enough for me to keep going. It took us just half of the lunch break when he was already working at the last task. That would have been a confirmation enough that he had improved since we never really got to finish a worksheet in just one lunch break. I smiled a little at myself and removed my eyes from the sheet of paper and looked at Sauli…

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