7. You saved me

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That was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I went outside and walked over to my car. When I opened the door and sat down in the driver’s seat, a deep breath left my throat. I stared at the front entrance of the school with a big smile on my face. I shook my head, disbelieving what just happened.

After some minutes, I started driving home. I already had a crush on someone two years ago when I was still in Finland, but it was something completely different compared to the one I have now. I already was crazy about Adam, but this made it even worse. How could I possibly ever see him as my teacher again?

On the next day, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Like always since I first met him. I still felt so pathetic in liking my teacher, but it changed a lot that I made out with him. It gave me a confirmation that he liked me, too. No matter what he would try or say, I could feel it. I don’t care how cheesy this may sound. I thought about him the entire time and then I remembered that I would be alone with him again in our next tutoring session.

Should I attend it?

Yes. I should.

Do I want to attend it?

Yes, I do.

Do I want to work on mathematic calculations with him?

No. Definitely not.

But I wondered if he would even like to see me. The way he reacted after he pulled away the day before, wasn’t really showing that he’d be lucky about what we did. I didn’t blame him, of course not, I’m his student. But why couldn’t he just forget about that? At least when we were alone.

When it was time for the tutoring session, I walked towards the classroom very slowly until I stood in front of the door and finally opened it, seeing Mr. Lambert sitting on his chair.

Ahem.” I coughed and entered the room. He looked up, widened his eyes and got up immediately.

“Mr. Koskinen.” He said. “Wouldn’t have thought you’d show up today.” I didn’t say anything, just walked a few steps into the room.

“So there is no session today?” I asked shortly after that.

“Um, no. Stay.” He said, pulling sheets of papers out of his bag. “I-I already prepared worksheets f-for you. Sit down please.” He stuttered.

I nodded and walked towards the desk, sitting down. Mr. Lambert walked towards me, handing me the sheets of paper and our hands met briefly. I felt like fainting. He then sat down next to me and I started trying.

The atmosphere was so tense, like we were complete strangers. I knew it wouldn’t be like always but I wouldn’t have thought it would be like this. We only talked when I made something wrong and he tried to explain it as short as possible. It went on like that the whole session. I actually got some tasks right again, that made me happy. And I saw him smiling, which made me happier.

We got up at the end, Mr. Lambert walked over to his desk and I was on my way leaving the room. We just said our goodbyes and that’s it. I wished I wouldn’t have attended this. It was so awkward and embarrassing. I enjoyed being alone with him, but not like this. If it’s going to be like this forever, I’d rather fail this course. Even though that would mean I couldn’t go to the college I wanted to go to.

I wished I could just turn back the time to the moment I first saw him and then I would try everything not to fall for him.

But could I even try that? Could I even do it?

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