Introverted Ilhaam is a hopeless romantic waiting for her own love story, but somehow has come to believe that no man will ever truly love her because of one feature that she is very insecure about - being BROWN-SKINNED.
Will Ilhaam meet the man of...
So what do I tell Zayan? Ever since he brought up the topic of marriage, I feel more afraid than before. What if I make the wrong decision? What if this decision haunts me for life? What if it costs me everything I have now?
Despite staying up all night and weighing the pros and cons of saying 'yes' to Zayan, I still couldn't find clarity at all. So finally I decided to openly discuss this with someone who might understand my fears and insecurities without any judgements. And that's why I'm on my way to Amer's therapy center now. Hopefully he would be able to help me.
As I keep thinking, my phone vibrates. I unlock it to find a text from Zayan, "Queen of assumptions👸🏾" The message immediately draws a smile on my face. I start typing a reply.
Me: lol 😂 Me: it's a new nickname every day 🤦🏾♀️ Zayan: and each name suits u well 🤷🏻♂️ Me: sure 🤨 Zayan: what's up? 😅 Me: on my way to meet someone important 🤓 Zayan: who? 🧐 Me: guess 😈 Zayan: the groom who was supposed to come on the weekend? 😏 Me: why would I meet him? 🙄 Zayan: so that u could compare and decide who is better 😂 Me: wrong 👿 Zayan: then? 🤔 Me: Amer Zayan: why Amer? 😃 Me: talking to him might give me some clarity to decide on the response 😌 Zayan: lol am I that bad that u need a therapist's support to decide? 😅 Me: u are not bad at all 😋 that's the prob Zayan: 🤷🏻♂️ Zayan: maybe I should bribe him and get him to convince u 😂 Me: immediate disqualification for foul play 😡 Zayan: noted 😧 Me: don't disturb me for the next one hour 😏 Zayan: yes ma'am 👀 Me: 😅🙌🏾
If I say 'no' to this guy, would I ever be able to find happiness over such silly conversations with someone else again? I don't think so. But I can't make a life decision for something so small, right? I must think of the bigger consequences. So what I'm about to do is the right thing.
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"Hi" I say as I enter the therapy room. Amer smiles vibrantly as always and asks, "Hey Ilhaam! Do we have a meeting today? I cannot recall scheduling one." Oh damn. He thinks I'm here for marketing purposes. Probably, he can't even imagine me returning for therapy.
Wonder what he would think when I start talking about my insecurities again. I hope he is supportive as ever and does not find me annoying. Anyway, I've paid for this session, so he can't get mad at me. But what if he feels like all the free sessions he gave me previously have gone wasted? Then he is likely to get irritated, right? I mean, after all those efforts, here I am insecure as ever. Shame on me!
