B.O.A.T - Brownest of All Time

Chapter 48

At least Sameer had feelings for me for three months. For Zayan, it didn't even last a week. This episode repeating for the second time in my life has made me question myself as to whether the problem is with me or men. Either I'm not worth being around for too long or it's just typical male behavior to constantly look for partners like that's the only thing to life. Whatever it may be, I'm hurt.

I'm hurt because now I know that I will forever be just a rebound and never a proper choice in a man's life. What I can't digest though is that Zayan turned out to be yet another Sameer. I always thought he was different. Even to this moment, part of me believes so.

Maybe Zayan is not a bad guy. Probably it's his realist nature that made him do this. Because obviously it's not practical to wait for a person forever. Moving on is important. But doing it so soon is kind of ugly, isn't it? Couldn't he have waited for a few more days? I was this close to saying 'yes' yesterday until he brought the Australia story. Now I'm just disappointed that I even considered doing that!

Anyway, thinking of this over and over again is useless. I'm just torturing myself. I hate crying myself to sleep but I did that last night. Just like during the Sameer days, I've been checking my phone constantly expecting a text from Zayan. But he hasn't messaged me even once after yesterday morning.

I get it. He doesn't have feelings for me anymore. He probably even regrets the whole confession thing. In fact, by now, he must be talking to some new girl in Australia. Together with their families, they must be probably deciding on dates for the engagement or the wedding. It's okay. He deserves happiness. I must let go of this ill-feeling and continue to focus on my business as usual.

As I type an email, my phone vibrates and I unlock it quickly thinking it's Zayan but it's a text from Salima that reads, "Did u speak to him yet? 🤔" Poor Salima. Even yesterday when we went to check out her new house, she kept asking me whether I spoke to Zayan. I was too sad to share any details with her, so I just said that I couldn't find the time for it.

But I can't be hiding the truth for too long, right? Let me just say it and break her heart too.

Me: yeah maybe
Salima: what did he say? 😍
Me: nothing that u expected
Me: and he went to Australia to check for proposals
Salima: u are lying 🙄
Me: why would I lie?
Salima: are u sure? 😢
Salima: shall I try talking to him?
Me: no need
Me: I'm done with men
Me: let it go
Me: I'm okay
Salima: everything will be fine Ilhaam
Salima: don't worry
Me: I'm not worried
Me: and pls ask those people to come this weekend as planned 🙂
Salima: who?
Me: groom and family
Salima: 😔
Salima: let's give it some time
Salima: what if Zayan comes back?
Me: he won't
Me: he hasn't even texted me since yesterday
Me: just do it Sally
Me: I'm ready for it 🙂

I start crying after sending those texts to Salima. So that's it. I am in the lookout for a rebound too, through an arranged marriage. I know this is crazy but I just want this pain to end.

I'm not saying that my life will be perfect with a random dude but at least he won't be able to hurt me like Zayan or Sameer. Only people I truly like can break my heart. So a loveless marriage is what I need to settle in for. My life will be mediocre but at least I will be in control of it.