B.O.A.T - Brownest of All Time

Chapter 23

After 2 days
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My inner demons have taken full control of my life by now. It's been three days since the breakup and I haven't been able to eat or sleep as usual. The only thing I've become good at is crying endlessly.

What's worse is that I'm hurting everyone around me too. Ever since Salima informed everyone in the family about my breakup, mom has been looking really dull.

On the first day, she tried so hard to console me with a few words, but then since we both suck at expressing our emotions, it didn't really work.

So, now she has resorted to a weird way of dealing with my sadness by preparing special food for me all the time — as if that would work!

Dad, on the other hand, has told mom that he wants to have a proper discussion with me about it, which I've successfully avoided till this moment. Every night, I pretend to sleep early before he comes home and in the mornings by the time he leaves for work, I'm actually sleeping.

I know I shouldn't be shutting my family out like this when they are only trying to help me. But the truth is, it's all pointless, isn't it? I mean, no amount of talking or nice food would ever be able to fill the emptiness created by Sameer.

I don't know what to call this feeling — stress or depression, but it's just sucking the life out of me. At this rate, I know I won't be able to digest the work environment at all.

So, that's why I informed James that I won't be able to come to work for two days. Thanks to the Trinco incident, he approved my leave without any hesitation because he now feels I'm mentally traumatized by the drowning experience.

I also messaged Naomi about the breakup and she was really worried about me. She kept saying that she is here for me and that I shouldn't worry about Sameer anymore as I will be finding someone better and so on. Mom and Salima said the same thing.

Thanks guys! I appreciate the love and effort. But honestly, it's not that easy!

It's not that easy when a boy you loved dearly and planned a future with, suddenly walks out of your life. It's not that easy when you start going to bed, waking up, and spending every moment of your day in tears, questioning your self-worth because nothing makes sense anymore. It's not that easy when you suddenly realize that you are not Violet in The Five-Year Engagement movie but rather that random girl Audrey who Tom gets into a relationship with just for a short time because he wanted to distract himself from Violet's thoughts and nothing else.

While feeling heartbroken is bad enough, my insecurities making a reappearance into my life stronger than before, is just the worst thing ever. Like, for example, right now I'm on a bus, on my way to the bank, and all I could think of is how unattractive I am compared to the other women around me.

I mean, truly, it's so hard to spot a brown-skinned face in Sri Lanka these days. Almost all of them are fair or tan. Either they are doing something to whitewash their skin or I have become the last surviving brown-skinned girl in the country — well done Ilhaam, well done!

Whatever it is, my point is that, I'm back to being that same old negative person I used to be before Sameer days, or rather I have become worse.

Why is it that happiness is short-lived but sadness stays with you forever?