Lean On Me

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You hated it when they left.

Every time they had to travel, Wonwoo would hole himself up at the studio for days at a time and you'd barely see him leading up to their departure. He would message you and send you pictures or videos to let you know that he was thinking about you, but it just wasn't the same as having him there with you.

Once they'd left, the video calling started. It was never the most exciting thing in the world. You two had created a tradition whenever he was gone for more than a week that you should video call every few days. Just to check in, see how the other was doing, etc. You usually did this late at night so that the other members were less likely to interrupt.

It helped that you did most of the talking during these calls. Wonwoo was almost always exhausted from the day's activities and he was normally quiet anyway. But lately, you noticed that he'd been even more so than usual.

He got like this sometimes when you'd call. But it had never happened this early on a tour before.

You knew that it wasn't exhaustion or boredom. His eyes were still alert, but he'd just stare at you or at something off the screen that you couldn't see. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He was thinking hard about something whenever he got like this.

"Wonwoo?"

A hum was all you got in response.

"You're quieter than usual. Everything okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Just thinking."

"I can tell," you replied with a smirk. "You've been listening to me talk for twenty minutes and you haven't said anything."

That made him smile a bit. "I like listening to you talk." You thought that might have broken the ice. That he'd open up and share something with you now.

Instead, that statement was followed by another thirty seconds of silence. He was staring at something again.

You cleared your throat. "I should probably get off soon. I have to be up early tomorrow."

"Oh, right." He nodded to himself. "Good night then."

"Night."

You'd barely gotten the word out before he'd hung up. You tried not to take that personally. You knew it didn't mean it that way; he could be kind of cold when he was thinking hard about something. And that was obviously the case here.

You repeated this cycle a few more times over the next several weeks. You were trying to give him an opportunity to bring it up on his own, but he obviously wasn't going to and it actually seemed to be getting worse somehow.

This time you were going to speak up. You gave him exactly five minutes into the call before saying something.

"You don't seem like yourself."

He adjusted his hair over his glasses. "Sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

"What are you always thinking about when I call you?"

"How much I miss you."

You waited, but he didn't add anything else.

"That's all?" you prompted him. He shrugged awkwardly and you smiled. "It's okay to miss someone, you know. You don't have to think so hard about it."

He sighed and shook his head. "I'm always thinking about you. That's why I've been trying to distance myself from you before we leave so that it doesn't hurt so much. But it just keeps getting worse and I thought if I brought it up, it would just make you sad."

"Why?"

"You didn't ask for me to be traveling all the time. You deserve someone who's actually there for you when you need them."

"Jeon Wonwoo!"

"It's true. Being away from you always makes me feel like I'm not doing enough."

You took a deep breath. "That's ridiculous."

"What?"

"You're thousands of miles away from me. You're in a different time zone and you still find time to send me pictures and videos. You still video chat with me even though you're exhausted every day. You're doing more than enough."

He averted his gaze. "But it's not the same."

"Do you think I don't miss you?"

"I--"

"Because I do. I miss your voice and your hugs and the way you smile at me. And I'm scared that something will happen to you and I won't be there to support you when you need me. I think about that every time you leave, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less."

"How do you get through it?"

"I think about how happy I'll be when you get back. I watch the videos you guys post of all the things you're doing and seeing. I don't deny that I miss you, I embrace it instead."

He smiled. "I miss you a lot."

"And that's okay. Just lean on me for support when you start to feel like that and everything will be fine."

"I'm so lucky to have you, (Y/N). I can't wait to get back."

"Don't say that, you have to meet all your fans first," you reminded him.

"I know. But you're my favorite fan."

You opened your mouth to say something but a yawn slipped out instead. Wonwoo smiled softly.

"It's getting late," he mumbled. "You should sleep."

"Wish you could sleep with me."

He chuckled. "Maybe you'll dream about me instead."

And after you got off the call with him, that's exactly what happened. You dreamt of Wonwoo and his return from the tour. You dreamt about the two of you visiting the arcade or staying in to relax together.

You woke up knowing that it was just a dream and Wonwoo wasn't back yet. But Wonwoo, now fast asleep due to the time difference was dreaming about his homecoming. He was dreaming about you and how happy you'd be to see him again.

He woke up in much higher spirits. Realizing that as long as he was keeping you in his thoughts, you weren't as far away as he believed. You were always with him, no matter where he went.

So he vowed to stop sulking about how much he missed you. He'd enjoy himself while he was away. And once the tour was over, he'd go rushing back to you with open arms. Ready to lean on you as much as you'd let him. 

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