The Lights We Cannot See

"Option"

To the person who always stuck with me and my attitude for 3 years.

You were never an option for me.
You never will be...

because you have no idea how I'm always caving and breaking every time you are not by my side. You have no idea what me and my ex's topic and start of every fight is. You have no idea how much I defended you every time someone is trying to spread bad rumors about you which aren't true. You have no idea how much I love and care about you.

....just like me having no idea if you still have a spot for me in your heart.

How stupid I have been to keep on making you feel unwanted when my heart would explode with a single brush of your skin on mine. How stupid I have been to keep on making you feel so unwanted when I always wanted the opposite. You have no idea how much I'd write about you because you never asked whom I always write about. Maybe you know... and maybe you don't.

You have no idea how much I'm missing you and how much your killing me every time you don't respond. I don't ever want to push you to do things you don't want to do. I may be a lot of things, but I am never a person to push my wants and needs to a person who clearly said "No" for an answer. Plus, I don't like it when someone says "I love you" when they clearly are just forced to because of a certain situation. I know I should have thought about this and the consequences of my actions before I did all those stupid and painful things to you. My emotions often had control over me which is bad, and I know that what I did and what happened between us would have probably scarred both of us. I also know that it will take time for you to learn to trust me again and I want you to know that I'd do anything for you. You would always be a huge part of me forever and after. I'll never for one moment ever forget about you because I love you and I will always love you for who you are no matter what. I don't want to ever forget about you, your actions, your emotions, the expressions you make that had made me feel a swarm of multiple emotions passing through my heart at a time.

I really do miss you a lot.
I promised you so many times that I wouldn't hurt you again when I still didn't even change. I'm sorry for making you wait for nothing, and I'm sorry for my actions. I hope we can have a brand new start and finish off where we ended.

I came upon an old message of yours that is shockingly full of emotions of sadness and hurt because of me. Now, I know why you aren't answering my messages and letting me back in your heart and life.

We both have no idea what each other is thinking. We're two different people who had come upon each other at their worsts and became full together. We both knew how much it would hurt if we lose each other. Scared is probably what I'm feeling every time I hear and be reminded of the thought of losing you.

If you're worried or scared that you might completely lose yourself if you let me back, then.. let's be scared and worried together! Because I'm so scared that I might lose myself, if I ever lose you again because of the same damn reason and calamity that had come upon us. I also don't think I can still let another human being into my life and make memories with her or him as happy as we are and did. I think I'd rather be alone than get hurt again... but for you, I'd risk myself.

Because that's how much I love you...

Advance Happy Birthday, Mi Mejor Amiga!🎉🎉❤❤🙈🙉🙊❤❤🎉🎉