How Do I Love You (gxg) (werewolf)

Part 31- anger

anger was the only emotion i knew in these last few moments.

all i wanted was revenge for the one i used to call a mate. the one i couted as a friend even if i didnt know hi for very long. i still held emotions for him, strong ones as it seemed.

he was taken from me. by the one i called alpha. i didnt know what i was doing until it was too late. i realised i had hit him... hard... when blood splashed my face.

it felt warm, and felt wet.

i honestly didnt know if i should feel sorry for hurting the alpha or to feel angry and hit him again and again until he had paid for the death of my friend.

gasped could be heard over my screams of sorrow after i had inflicted a wound on the alpha. i heared mia scream out for me to calm down and get off of her father. i could guess how conflicted her emotions must be right now. weather to stop me from hurting her father a nice way or to attack me.

i know i was screaming profanities still at the alpha. i know my hands were around his neck. but i still let him breathe, only a little though. if i was to kill him quickly he wouldnt know how much pain my friend was in when he died a slow painful death.

im aware i shouldnt kill him for an accident but im angry. i know i should stop but i dont think i can. im not fully in control right now. thats why im here talking myself into feeling okay with hurting the alpha... convincing myself im doing the right thing in the name of friendship and emotions.

i feel myself slipping into a drowsy state. my eyes felt heavy and my head felt fuzzy. no two words lining together. nothing made sence to me and i knew i was loosing control.

i fought to keep control and fought my tired eyes. the energy in my body was bouncing back and forth between me and whoever was in control. i called out to the spirit to get back over and over again until finally it worked.

I managed to get myself off of the alpha. Far away enough that I won't loose control and go after him again.

'I'm so sorry Alpha.' I manage to get out in between breaths. Battling my other wolves who were battling against eachother. Rage and pain over a lost friend, anger, pain and batrail over the one who killed them, making it hard for all of us to keep out emotions bottled up.

The alpha lay on the floor, gasping for air, Mia at his side with his beta and gamma.

'I couldn't stop Alpha... I'm so sorry' I burst into tears, all emotion bubbling over at once.

'Don't worry child, I get it' Alpha turns his head to me, face beaten into a bloody mess but creates a bloody smile. 'I'll me fine by morning'

He attempts to get up by himself but fails. His second and third in command help him to his feet and walk towards the hospital, his people part like the red sea to let him through, loyal subjects to their master.

When Alpha is out of sight everyone starts to leave giving me dissapointws looks before they go, some stay to see how me and Mia would be.

I wouldn't blame her if she left me on the ground and never talks to me again though, what I done to her father should be unforgivable.

'Take Jason to the infirmary, and this girl' Mia commands four watchers. They immediately comply and gently pick up the once lovers and walk in the same direction as the Alpha.

I watch their every move until their out of sight, wanting so much to go with them to say my last goodbyes to him before they busy him for good.

Mia walks over to me with a forced smile and crouched infront of my curled up body.

I know she pities me. I don't want it. I want Jason back breathing. I want to gut out someone's insides and leave them for dead... I want revenge.

I don't want some half arsed pity from someone who doesn't know this pain. This stress. This ... sadness. I don't want it.

'I'm not mad at you.' Mia speaks up. 'I know witnessing that must have been hard so I'm not mad. Honestly,' Mia funny sits in the mud, now sitting cross legged, 'i would have been concerned if you didn't last out, or impressed that you can contain that much emotion' Mia softly laughs and starts playing with my hair softly.

' My dad's not mad either. He's so sorry for what he's done.' She wipes away a stray tear from my cheek ' He doesn't expect forgiveness either, but he would like to do something nice as a sorry'

'I don't want it' I say, a lump in my thought making my voice shaky.

'Okay' Mia looks down at me, looking me in my watery eyes' you want to go eat ice cream and cuddle on the sofa while watching drag race or go to the pond and watch the sun set? '

I smile at her and nodd yes.

I'm so sorry I'm inconsistent with the uploads but I have no idea what the fuck im doing or if I should continue writing at this point.

Let me know if you actually are enjoying this because if not I'm probably gunna cut it here or in the next chapter

If you do say you like this and want me to continue I have an ending in mind and I'll probably end it in like 10 more chapters

Let me know cuz I'm loosing the will to go on