" What do you mean, doctor?" I asked.
My heart dropping, putting piece to piece together.
" Yes, Jahangir Ali Khan-" tension was coiling around my pulse.
" your wife has a mental condition in which she wants to attempt chances of suicide more than...
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Flowers growing in my lungs
Wish I could tell you what you mean to me
I'll rip them out to give to you
A bouquet of unsaid I love yous!
Saboohi
'I need to tell you something'
The man had said with a very nervous tone and equally shivering hands. Yet his eyes gleamed in a way they never had before. And my heart lurched in my throat thinking about all the signs he was giving me about what we wanted to tell me. The problem was his amber brown eyes weren't very conundrum to me now, and I understood the underlying emotions in them.
And my insides shook seeing the new emotion spark in his eyes for me. His love.
And God! I'd be doomed to not be the first person to not recognize it. And I fell for him more.
I couldn't remember when I woke up but as I stared up at the ceiling thinking about how he had said about telling me something, I wondered if I had even slept all night. My own nervousness and jittering feeling was causing my toes to curl. Because as much as I wanted the man to love me back, I was scared. I was scared to embrace the feeling that he actually loved me.
If I was bàtshit crazy for him, I knew. But someone else being in love with me, scared me to heights. Jahan being in love with me scared me to heights. Jahangir Ali Khan being in love with Saboohi scared me to unlimited boundaries and beyond that.
I always reciprocated what others showed me and for the first time I had a thin possibility of seeing someone else reciprocate what I had for them. And it was mind boggling to think that at the end, or somewhere in between, two people find love and happiness. And what would be my happiness without Jahan?
But for Jahan? Was I everything he wanted? Was I making him as much happy as he was making me? Did I meant the same what he meant for me? Would I be his essential? And the answers to many more innumerable questions like these scared me. And I so did the best thing to do. I decided to run off.
Temporarily.
Getting up from the bed, I did my business in the bathroom and then pulled out the small duffel bag like thingy from the top of the wardrobe. And started to thrust in my clothes. And my shoes. Keeping in my toiletries, I zipped the bag up and set it near the door. Before gathering myself for a minute.
I wasn't running away from Jahan, I was just running away from the feeling of a confession. I was just buying us sometime. Because I wasn't ready to just listen to him. It would leave me overwhelmed and having a weak heart, I'd probably die because of the ultimate happiness Jahan would grant me. I was just buying some time for myself.
Skidding down the stairs, I found the hall almost empty as the men had already left for work and Dadi Gul Jan remained resting on the large sofa. A hand resting over her eyes. My feet probably whirred her senses as she removed her arm from over her eyes to look at me.
