The Dilemma - Fransykes

21. Confessions

He'd made up his mind. Today, he'd do it.

'u free?' Oliver messaged Josh.

Too late now. You've gotta do it.

'Yeah, when?'

'uh, today?'

'Sure! Park?'

'yeah. see you in twenty?'

'Okay!'

Fuck, okay, he had to look presentable. Flannel? No, he looked like a farm boy. Tank top? He looked like a douche, the one that works out five days a week and hits on blonde chicks at the bar.

Oliver landed his hands on his black and white jacket that Josh had loved so much. Yes, this, I'll wear this. Along with a beanie, black tee and pants Oliver rushed out the door.

Oliver didn't have a chance to greet Josh, as the moment Josh saw Oliver he pulled the taller man into a tight hug. "How are you?" He asked excitedly.

"I'm.. good. You?"

"Great! So, what didja wanna do?"

"Um, could we sit? I.. wanted to talk to you about some things." Josh nodded, his giddy mood faltering.

"So.. what's up?"

"I- Uh- Th-the kiss," Oliver stuttered. His face went red and he had to look away. "I wanted.. to talk about.. us."

"Us?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Well, talk away," Josh said. "We.. we can be.. whatever you'd like. What's most comftorable to you?"

He cared so much for Oliver, and it was adorable, but Oliver wanted Josh to be happy too.

"Y-You're cool, you know? And.. beautiful, and kind, and I really- really like you. It's just.."

"Just?" Just I'm not good enough, isn't it? Josh thought. He wanted to be angry, but it was true, wasn't it? He wasn't enough, for anyone.

"You- I- It's like.. I can't.. kiss a guy, or have any feelings for a guy, without fucking hating myself for it. It feels so wrong. It's not, I know that now, but that doesn't take it away." Oliver fiddled with his fingers, messing them around together quickly. "So- So yes, that kiss- I.. liked it? And if you liked it, then, then maybe I could take you out sometime?" He asked meekly.

Josh grinned. "Yeah, I'd love that."

It was silent for awhile, their fingers ever-so-slightly entwined. And then, it began to snow.

The smallest snowflake landed on Josh's nose, making the smaller boy sneeze. Oliver giggled, staring at him in wonder.

Josh pouted. "It's cold now."

"Want my jacket?"

Josh nodded, curling up by Oliver after the jacket was placed around him.

It continued to snow; soft snowflakes covering Oliver's hair and jacket placed on the shivering Josh. How could he still be cold under his thick sweater and Oliver's jacket? Sure, it was cold, but not that cold.

Then again, Josh was skinny. And coldness, no matter how warm the envoirment, was a sign of malnutrishion, and Josh rarely ate-

Oliver was getting ahead of himself.

Josh was fine.

He enjoyed the scenery instead. It was beautiful, one of the few moments of peace he'd had in quite awhile. With Josh, a boy he liked and maybe soon could admit that without recoil. He was sober, and he was glad he was alive. It was a shock, really. The best part of getting better is realizing you're doing better.

"You're so fucking cute." Josh snapped Oliver out of his trance.

He looked down at Josh, who was now looking up at him with a cute smirk.

"Just lost in thought.. I'm proud of you, y'know? You.. You're smiling, and look so much healthier..," Josh trailed off, his hand brushing under Oliver's chin.

"Th-thanks?"

Josh giggled and looked back out at the park. "So why me?"

"Huh?"

"Why ask me out? There's so many other guys.. You shouldn't feel obligated just because I like you," Josh muttered, the happiness in his voice gone.

"Hey, that's not it. I like you, Josh, okay?" Oliver forced Josh to look at him. "All of this is because I want to. If you don't want to, that's fine-"

"N-No! It's not that.. It's just hard to think a guy wants me for more than my body," Josh muttered. Not that my body is anything to be proud of.

"You're fucking goergous, and sweet, how could anyone not want you?" Oliver cupped Josh's face in his hands.

Josh blushed. "Y-You're too sweet."

"I'm just honest, hun. Why would you think they only want you for your body?"

Josh glanced away. "Mm.. Past guys.."

Oliver ran his fingers through Josh's hair. "Well those guys can suck a wrinkly cock for all I care. Hurting a sweet guy like you, shaking my head."

"Shaking my head?"

"Sorry- Internet- Whatever."

"You're a nerd."

"I- Asshat!"

Josh giggled and they continued to talk till it was near dark. They spoke of nearly everything. Josh's short fling, Matt; Oliver's old friends doing stupid shit in high school; they're most embarrasing stories. Even Josh's inescurities. To which Oliver assured him of how beautiful he was, and despite everything brushed the rest aside.

The signs were all there, Oliver just never paid attention.

~_~_~_~

no i will not end it cutely

hoe endings that leave u shook is my fucking shit

aight im gonna prewrite the end aGaIn

or write more fluff
thats fun too

aight theyre gonna bake brownies togehter OH MY GOD I GOT THE IMAGE IN MY HEAD AND-