The Dilemma - Fransykes

16. haha theyre gAy

Oliver was gone when Josh woke up. According to Jordan, he had an "appointment", whatever that meant. As Josh stood, a wave of neausea passed over him. Fuck, was he sick from running in the rain?

"Hey, Josh, Dan's here," Jordan told him. Josh nodded and flashed a smile, saying he'd be out in a second.

Dan hated him, didn't he? I was such a bitch last night. Dan was only trying to help, not that Josh needed it. He'd explain to Dan that it was under control and things would continue as normal. Josh simply wanted to be skinny, why did everyone find that so terrible?

"Josh," Dan's relieved voice spoke as he saw Josh come out from Oliver's room. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Josh shrugged Dan off. "Thanks for letting me stay, Jordan. Could you.. um.. give Oliver this, for me?" Josh anxiously gave the taller man a folded piece of paper.

"'Course. Be careful, alright?" Jordan patted Josh's shoulder, his eyes holding a hint of knowledge, as if he knew everything and watched from the side lines. It was honestly creepy.

"Yeah, you too." Josh flashed a smile and follow Dan out the door, immediately slammed with questions and apologies by his friend.

"I'm so sorry, J, I reacted the wrong way. I'm just so worried, how are you? Are you sure you're alright? Dizzy at all?" Dan had researched eating disorders after Josh left and everything became all the more surreal.

"Dan, I'm fine. You need to chill."

"How can I chill when my friend is dying?" Fear was laced in his voice, dashed with pain and anger.

"I'm not dying, Dan." Josh chuckled. "I had food poisoning last night."

"You weren't throwing up unwillingly, your fingers were down your throat!" Dan argued.

"I.. ate some bad food that I needed out of my system."

"What about the breakdown, then, huh? Stop lying, we both know what you were doing." Dan wasn't an emotional person. He rarely cried, and always made light of most situations, only serious when it was most needed. So when tears threatened to spill from his eyes, Josh's heart broke. Dan was really that worried?

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry so much. I'm just on a diet."

"That can kill you."

No, it wouldn't. Josh didn't have an eating disorder, he was just losing some weight. He was still the same small chubby kid, far from the supermodel Oliver was.

"Dan, I-"

"Therapy. Please, just one session? Try it out, get some help, for me?" His last words held so much pleading that tore Josh apart. One session, just for Dan.

"Fine."

~ ~

"Any suicidal thoughts?"

"Absolutely not."

"Homicidal thoughts?"

"No!"

"Past in the military?"

"Nope."

The questions rolled on, Josh began to wonder why he agreed to this.

"Feelings of worthlessness?"

"U-Um.. No?"

"Why are you so hesitant?" The therapist, going by Doctor Gaskarth, was getting on Josh's nerves.

"I- I don't feel worthless, okay! I feel fucking- pointless." And now comes more questions. Josh internally groaned. Why'd he open his stupid mouth?

"What do you mean by pointless?"

"I've done nothing significant, I'm nothing special, nobody really likes me- I don't know why my parents bothered. So yeah, I guess I feel pretty fucking worthless," Joshua spat. Where the hostility came from, he didn't know.

Gaskarth went on with questions, the majority Josh said no to.

"Your friend, Mr. Flint, said he wanted you to try this out after he found you purging?"

Josh scrunched his nose. "I wasn't purging."

"He said you were throwing food up."

"I drank too much alcohol and had to get it out of my system, he took it out of context," Josh lied.

"Do you have any history with eating disorders?

"No."

"What do you see when you look in the mirror? Who do you see?"

And that question left Josh thinking, what did he see?

After Josh's silence, Gaskarth spoke up. "Think on that. I'll see you next week?"

Josh grumbled, standing up and walking out without a goodbye. Like hell Gaskarth would. Josh didn't need help. How many times did he have to say it?

~_~_~_~

"How was your session?" Jordan asked from the kitchen when Oliver arrived home. He had a pastel pink apron on as he cooked lunch, and his hair was astray after trying to fix his bed hair and getting nowhere.

"Fine," Oliver grumbled. Ashby had prodded at his most sensitive subject; his sexuality. He was silent most of the session, not willing to elaborate on his internalized homophobia that ate him alive after any sign of attraction to men.

"Josh left this for you." Jordan handed Oli the folded paper. "Lunch'll be ready in ten."

Intrigued, Oliver retreated to his room and unfolded the paper.

A short note was at the top of the paper.

'Dear Tall Man,

Okay, this is stupid. I'm really sorry but I've already started.
    I haven't heard from you much the past few days, and I'm worried.. So, I hope you're doing okay! You're a really nice friend and all. If you ever need someone, I'm just a phone call away. ♡
    Sent with love, Josh.'

Drawings littered the bottom half of the paper. Hearts, random shapes that took the body of a human and morphed it into a demon-like shape, but what made Oliver smile most was a very well done drawing of Josh and Oliver holding hands. Trees surronded them, a gravel path beneath their feet. Oliver's black and white jacket sat over Josh's shoulders, like one would do if giving a cold friend their jacket. Oliver had on his flannel and a cigarette between his lips as they carried on.

'P.S., okaysoyou'rejacketsreallycoolandistoleitinthedrawingsowwyyy'

Oliver blushed. How cute.

~_~_~_~

BITCHES I GTO TEH CAHTPER DONNENEEE

okay originally it was gonna be this hella cute chapter where some certain shit happens but i couldnt write that out and youre not getting that till later as it emphasizes josh's decreasing physical (and mental ig) health

hahahahahaha

anyhoe i love you
good day
that phrase feels so top hat