The Dilemma - Fransykes

17. Okay

buckle in, folks, it's a long ride

~_~_~_~

He didn't think he'd regret it, not really, and he didn't. Going back to that hell was all-too euphoric. What he regretted was getting caught.

Yes, Oliver felt bad because Tom had caught him snorting cocaine, but only because his little brother had found him in such a state again, after they all assumed he was getting better.

At this point, what was better?

The next morning, the previous night was all that was on Oliver's mind. He hadn't gotten out of bed, and he knew Tom had told Jordan. He would have to face it eventually, and apparently that was then. A cough pulled Oliver out of his trance and he saw Jordan in the doorway.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Oliver shook his head and turned over, blanket pulled over his head.

"I could schedule an appointment with Ashby-"

"No," Oliver's cold voice spat.

Jordan sighed, walking out.

Of course it happened, of course Oliver relapsed. It's all he was, a junkie, right? No ammount of rehab or therapy could help him. If he wasn't gay, if he'd been careful, if he hadn't been caught, if he hadn't been saved.

He didn't ask to be saved.

The loud ring of his cell phone made Oliver whimper, but he smiled when he saw it was Josh.

"Hello?"

"Oli!" Josh replied over the line cheerfully.

"What's up?"

"Dan's being a bitch so I'm at the park and.. lonely.. Are you free?" Josh asked meekly.

"Sure, I'll be down in a few."

"Where are you going?" Jordan asked once Oliver had his shoes on. At Oliver's silence, Jordan spoke again. "Just tell me where you're going, Oliver."

"I don't have to tell you anything. What, you think I'll get drugs? Good to know you have faith in me," Oliver spat and pulled out of his grip.

~ ~

It seemed magical, like a cliche romance movie. And maybe that played into future events. When Oliver arrived at the park and saw Josh sitting there, his breath stopped.

It was early November, so the weather was growing colder and the leaves fell beside Josh, who was staring somewhere else, clearly lost in thought. A red scarf wrapped around his neck, a grey beanie neatly over his head, but it didn't help warm his pink cheeks and nose. He was shivering in his grey sweater and jeans that squeezed his small legs. The leaves fell in a chorus around Josh, adding to his asthetic.

"Hey, Josh."

Josh looked up, just as taken aback at the sight of Oliver.

So he looked a bit rough, with tired eyes and a runny nose, but the ghost of a smile on his face made Josh's stomach tense. His hair, which had grown to the middle of his ears, was uncombed and astray, but simply more adorable.

"I thought you'd be cold so I.. brought you this." Oliver held out his black and white jacket that he placed around Josh's shoulders as he sat down on the bench.

"O-Oh, thank you." Josh pulled the jacket more over him, his teeth chattering. Even indoors, he was increasingly cold. He'd stolen most of the blankets at night, and Dan had complained about the heat bill skyrocketing.

"C'mere." Oliver pulled the small man into his arms. Josh hummed, immediately content in his safe arms.

"How've you been the past few days?" Josh looked up at Oliver, who blushed. Josh's bangs fell over his eyes and nose, making the man scrunch up his face and blow them away.

"Fine. You?"

"Lonely," Josh pouted.

"Why is that?" Oliver pushed away strands of hair.

"Because I missed you."

Oliver's cheeks redended, though Josh excused it for the cold. "I missed you too."

"Where did you really go when you were gone for a month?" Josh murmured.

"He'll think diferently of me."

"I don't think he will, I think he really cares about you."

So Oliver made his decision.

"Rehab."

Josh hummed. "What happened?"

"OD'd," Oliver said simply. It was quiet for a moment, Josh playing with the hairs of Oliver's shirt, before Oliver spoke up again, beginning to ramble without much thought.

"I did it on purpose. I don't know if they know that or not. I took acid, had a bad trip, and I.. I thought, y'know, why not? Life- It's- It just isn't as great here as they make it out to be, and.. sometimes it's so easy to hate myself for the things I've done, and what I am."

Josh hummed again. Advice wasn't his thing, but he'd listen. Sometimes that's all a person needed, right?

"Have you ever tried therapy?" Josh asked. Maybe it was a bit hypocritical, he despised the idea of spilling his guts to a man with a dad bod and glasses falling off his face that gave the sane boring advice and some happy pills. But if it helped others, maybe it could help Oliver.

"Jordan made me go."

"Does it help?" Josh asked hopefully.

"Not.. really. Jordan said it takes time, it won't work itself out after a couple sessions, it's just hard," Oliver explained  "What about you? You tried therapy?"

"One session, Dan made me. It was bullshit," Josh grumbled.

"Why'd he make you go?"

"It's not important," Josh murmured, looking away, but Oliver caught his jaw.

"I think it is. I think you're a lot more important than you realize."

Josh blushed. "Thank you. You're.. you're really important to me too, you know." And Oliver was. Oliver meant maybe too much to Josh, the naive boy that fell in love easily.

"Come on, you're ice," Oliver grumbled. He lifted Josh up and zipped up his jacket around the small man.

"You care too much," Josh giggled. "I'm okay."

"No, you aren't." It made Josh look up, lock eyes with Oliver, and maybe glance down at his lips, too soft. Okay, and maybe a bit chapped, bit still just as addicting. They sure as hell looked that way.

And despite everything in Oliver screaming no, that his feelings were disgusting, he was disgusting and wrong, Josh was everything but, and could take all that away.

So without a second guess, Oliver made the first move.

It was exactly like the movies and books, where their lips mold together and everything felt perfect. Afterwards, maybe it'd fall apart - it probably would. But in that moment it all sifted away, the entire world and its cold sharp teeth that held no merch for the two men was gone, leaving them to each other. It was slow, careful, loving, passionate. Neither had felt anything like that, at least not in years.

And it was decided, the whole world could fall apart, but Josh only needed Oliver to be okay. As okay as he could get.

~_~_~_~

oh
m
gEEEEEE

so originally they werent going to kiss and hell the first kiss wasnt gonna happen for awhile but it's finally here

still kinda feels like im on chapter 9-11 ngl

tImE To eXiIsTt