The Dilemma - Fransykes

6. Serene

Serene. A word Oliver learned when he was eleven, sitting through language arts. A word that fit perfectly to his state, his area. Serene, he was serene.

He was laying in a field, the grass blowing in the light wind. Flowers assorted throughout the area. On either side of him were mountains, large moulds of dirt. He was, technically, at the bottom of a cliff.

Clouds, short and puffy, rummaged through the blue sky. No particular shape, just.. there. Existing, as was Oliver. He was existing with the field, the cliff, nothing of importance or rarity, nothing of rememberance. It was all nothing. It was only existing and breathing and letting it all sift away like words washed away in a page. It was all nothing and everything, breathing and suffocatimg, living and dying, it was serene.

Alas, such bliss could only last so long before somethg ruined it. Because everything good was ruined, everything beautiful was told it was ugly, everything kind was told it was vile.

Oliver's field was ripped from him in an instant when he was shaken awake by a familiar face.

"Hello? Are you okay?" The panicked voice asked. Blinking to clear his vision, Oliver saw Josh staring down at him worriedly. "Thank god you're awake, I thought you were dying."

If only.

"Oh, I'm fine. What're you doing at the park in the middle of the night?" Oliver sat up, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. Thank god for the dark, otherwise it'd be obvious how high he was.

"I could ask you the same thing," Josh countered, crossing his arms and pouting. And god damn, it was cute.

"I fell asleep here," Oliver answered simply. "How about you?"

"Going for a jog."

"At eleven PM?"

"I lost track of time," Josh sighed.

"Okay, well uh, want me to walk you home?" Oliver offered, still paranoid for the other man's safety after last time.

"Sure." He could swear he saw a blush creep on Josh's face in the dark.

Josh helped Oliver up, and as they walked away they never let go of the others hand, but neither noticed, neither cared. It was the first time Oliver had ever been remotely intimate with another guy, and it was okay. At least, until he was saying goodbye to Josh and alone to think over the events of that night.

Although, still high, he couldn't care less. He was exhausted and more focused on passing out in his shitty apartment. He had work tomorrow and had to pay his bills soon, he couldn't risk being late again and getting fired.

So home it was for Oliver.

~~

"Where the hell were you?" Dan hissed at his friend once Josh stepped inside the room.

"Jog," Josh replied simply. "Ran into a friend and stopped to get some things."

"Where are those things?" Dan questioned accusingly.

"They were for my friend."

"Bullshit." Dan grabbed Josh by the wrist and spun him around before he could walk away. Although now his gaze and tone wasn't angry, but concerned. "You don't jog for three hours. Josh, what the hell's going on?"

"Nothing!" Josh ripped his hand from Dan's grip. "I said I ran into a friend!" He sped away into his room, slamming the door.

He was fine. He was excersizing, he was on a diet. It was fucking fine.

Just a bit longer. He had to lose weight. Maybe that was why Dan was arguing with him all the time, he was trying to find a reason to kick Josh out because he didn't want to live with a pig.

No, no he was being irrational. But what if?

Hiding under his pillow, Josh grabbed the bottle of laxatives and took two. Only two, he didn't want to over do it. You were supposed to stop taking them after a week, or at least consult with a doctor. But the rememberance of his paranoia with Dan, and the want to speed the process, Josh took another.

It was okay. It was under control.

~_~_~_~

short but the fact i got it done is a miracle

shower and then nap because i am exhaust and i ate too much

wheres my dog i want cuddles