Rising Uncertainty

Losing Control

Phoenix eventually sat down next to Miles and turned on the tv after everything was taken care of. He had made sure Miles had taken his medicine before settling on a channel that was playing some sort of cartoon. It was entertaining enough to keep them distracted but not entertaining enough to keep them interested for too long. The show was strange for sure but it did the job.

He felt Miles shiver next to him and pull the blanket closer to himself. The other man sniffled and rubbed his eyes before yawning.

"I'm sure you're sick of hearing this from me, but thank you." Miles said quietly after a few minutes.

"It's fine! Really! I'm happy to help."

Phoenix smiled to himself as they both went back to watching the tv. He had a feeling that something was going on with Miles other than this, but he was not going to press. He wanted Miles to talk to him on his own time and not feel forced to. He knew he would eventually get around to it- or he hoped he would. Miles could be hard to read and it didn't help that most of the time they saw each other was in court.

He glanced over and noticed Miles staring blankly at the tv. The prosecutor was obviously not paying attention and was instead in deep thought. He made a slightly agitated noise before sighing. Phoenix raised his brow at this and realized that Miles was now biting his lip. He couldn't help but smile at this.

It took a moment for Phoenix to realize he was staring again. He scolded himself and looked at the show again. The main character was fighting something and it seemed too stiff of animation.

"Wright... Do... Do you think I'm a bad person?" His voice was low and he seemed unsure of himself.

"What? No, of course I don't. If I thought you were a bad person I wouldn't want to hang out with you," He said with a pointed look. It took a few moments for the other man to respond. He was thinking a great deal about this.

"You want to 'hang out' with me?" He asked as if it was unheard of.

"Of course I do- you're just always so busy," Phoenix explained. "You're a good person even if you aren't convinced... In my eyes at least."

"I've sent innocent people to their deaths... I-I've done anything I could to get a guilty verdict and I-I used fabricated evidence to-"

"You didn't know that evidence was tampered with," Phoenix quickly defended.

"But I should have known! Someone's body should not have been found in the trunk of my car in order to find that out!" He argued with a small cry. "I-Innocent people are-"

"You had no way of knowing, Miles. And... You've changed. You don't do anything for a guilty verdict, you do anything for the truth. I'm proud of you."

Miles seemed to freeze at his last sentence before bringing his hand to his mouth. Phoenix knew he was holding back tears and emotions. He watched as his friend struggled to find words and, finally, the tears fell.

Miles stood up and quickly wiped his eyes. He shook his head slightly.

"Wright, I don't know what to do with myself anymore... I... I..." he bit his hand to try and prevent himself from crying more. His hand turned white around where he was biting it but it wasn't enough to break skin.

"Miles, you'll hurt yourself that way. Please don't do that- I don't want you getting hurt." Phoenix got up and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from him. That was the breaking point. All of Miles' pent up emotions came rushing out and he couldn't keep it in anymore.

Tears streamed down his face as the flood gates opened. He couldn't force himself to stop crying and he felt as if he was losing control. He felt like a damn child. Phoenix noticed the slight panic in his eyes and pulled him into a tight embrace. He wasn't surprised when Miles didn't return it. He just wanted to make sure he was okay.

Miles hid his face in Phoenix's shoulder as he began to sob. He sounded distraught and relieved and hurt and angry and happy all at the same time. He closed his eyes tightly and didn't notice when Phoenix moved them back to sitting on the couch. He only noticed he was being moved when his head moved to rest on Phoenix's chest instead of his shoulder for a more comfortable position.
He still couldn't control his sobs or his shaking body. He didn't want Phoenix to think he was weak but he just couldn't do it. He couldn't control anything and it scared him. He hated not being in control. Especially not over himself. But maybe this was a good thing and he could finally let out all of his pent up emotions without outright saying them. So, he gave up on trying to hold back and let himself go. He buried his face into Phoenix's shirt and let himself sob without restraint.

Phoenix held him and let him cry and cry. He was there to comfort him even he didn't know everything that was wrong or even everything that the other man was feeling.

Miles tried to speak but found himself unable to. He swallowed harshly and closed his eyes. His throat felt hoarse and it didn't help that he was sick from the rain.

"Don't talk Miles... it's okay... just let it out..."

Miles listened to what he said and did as he was told. He felt weak and he felt tired so there was no use in trying to speak now when his body refused.

It took a while for Miles to get to a point where he could speak again and even then he still had tears rolling down his cheeks. Even though he was able to speak, he chose not to. He inhaled a shaky breath and closed his eyes, keeping his head on Phoenix's chest. He was steadying his breathing. He eventually opened his eyes again to see Phoenix looking at him with worried eyes.

Miles slowly pulled away from Phoenix and wiped his tears, mumbling quietly.

"Thank you, Phoenix."