Red Hoodie //BoyFriends

Chapter 30

Michael's POV:

It's now that awkward point between Christmas and New Years where no one has any clue what to do.
So for the past 4 hours me and Jeremy have been playing mario kart.

"No no no NO!"

I laugh as I hit Jeremy with a red shell and take 1st place.

"NO!"

I cross the finish line just ahead of Jeremy.
I feel something hit me. Not in the game. Real life.
With the fact I've now got Jeremy's controller on my lap he's thrown it at me. I turn to look at him. He's pulled his hood up and turned away

"Is someone angry they didn't win?"
"Shut up"

Raging Jeremy is adorable. He tries so hard to be angry but it never works.
I poke his back and he turns round and shoves me. I'm hoping in a playful way. He ends up shoving me off the beanbag and I hit the hard floor of the basement.

"Ow!"
"That's what you get Michael"

He seems serious.

"Jeremy- it's just a game"
"I don't fucking care anymore. Look I'm sick of this"

This isn't Jeremy. My heart starts pounding.

"Jeremy?"
"I'm going home"

That crushes my heart. Something doesn't seem right. He seemed to wince as he said it.

"But- this is your home"
"Not anymore. I'm out. Don't call me"

He gives me a stare and walks out. Something in his eyes didn't seem real. Complete blankness behind them.
Like when- no
Is that it? Did he just end it with me?
My brain is whirring and I can't focus on anything. Without him I can't do it. Surely he hasn't ended it between us.
I try following him. I run up and hope he's still here. But there's a note on the table. In Jeremy's handwriting.

It's over

I crumple. Mentally and physically. I just let myself go.
I manage to get up to the bathroom before losing it completely. I slide down the back of the door and start sobbing.
How. How could he do this.
Twice. I understand the first time was his dad but this time he said it to me.
What changed??
What did I fucking do wrong!!

Due to my lack of intake of air thanks to my sobs, I'm struggling to breathe. With no Jeremy to calm me down I can't do it myself. So I struggle and I struggle until I catch myself pressing against my hand with my other hand. The usual pressure point.
I subconsciously do this when I'm panicking or struggling to breathe.
I focus on that and it somewhat helps.
I put my headphones on with shaky hands and manage to get my playlist going.
I go silent.
It's like a wave of nothingness has come over me and I feel numb. I feel nothing. Worthless.
It's like Jeremy was blocking these feelings and thoughts and without him. They come back.
I drag myself up. And I stare at myself in the mirror.
Tear stained face. Drained. Worthless.

He never wanted you in the first place

Fuck off not you now

He never loved you michael

Just piss off!

You're worthless

Stop

Pathetic

Stop!

Loser