Red Hoodie //BoyFriends

Chapter 58

Jeremy's POV:

It's been a couple of days since me and Michael were suspended.
Talking to his momma was a difficult task.
She almost didn't want to be mad at us but felt like she had to.
It made me think of my own mom and for the last 24 hours or so it's all that's been on my mind.
Michael perked up a bit after clearing his name with his moms, but i've been struggling to stay positive.
Recently my anxiety has been spiking.
Michaels has been under control with his medication and his coping mechanisms, but ever since that nightmare I had which was followed by a panic attack, they've been happening more frequently.
Which is why it's currently just after 4am and I am sat downstairs with minimum lighting trying to control myself.
Last night was really sweet.
Me and Michael just lay and chilled for hours. We watched a movie, we listened to some records, and most importantly we just chatted for ages.
It was a really good conversation.
We spoke through problems we were having and our boundaries around them.
It really helped for us to understand each other more.
I woke up around half an hour ago, my heart pounding even after having no nightmare.
Michaels sleeping pattern has been all over the place so I decided to come downstairs so I didn't wake him.

My leg bounces anxiously as I wish someone would come downstairs and find me here.
My eyes feel like they're moving at 100 miles an hour, flicking around the room looking for something to settle on.
My breaths aren't exactly short, but they aren't the length they should be.
I'm basically holding onto myself as if i'm giving myself a hug. I think i'm trying to imagine it's someone else.
The footsteps coming down the stairs scare me and I shuffle quickly away from the sound. Only to hit the edge of the sofa and stay exactly where I am.
Coming into the light of the dimly lit lamp, is Michael, holding Pac who is snuggled into his arms.
He doesn't have his glasses on so it takes a second to recognise i'm sat here.

"Jeremy?"

Michaels POV:

I opened my eyes, but Jeremy wasn't next to me when I stretched out.
Different scenarios shoot through my head as I think about where he could be.
I sit up and swing my legs out of bed.
I go to open the bedroom door but realise it's slightly ajar. Not how I left it last night.
My eyes haven't adjusted to the darkness around me and I forgot to grab my glasses, so the world around me is fuzzy.
I feel something nudge against my legs and crouch down to find Pac pushing himself against me.
I whisper,

"Come on then"

I scoop him up and let him settle into my arms as I make my way downstairs.
My eyes slowly adjust as I see a dim light in the living room.
Paired with someone sat on the sofa

"Jeremy?"

His eyes dart over to me and I spot his leg bouncing

"What's wrong?"

I walk over to the sofa and notice more and more things.
He's fiddling with the edge of his top and his glasses are sliding down his nose from the sweat on his face.
He shrugs, unable to function words.
I sit beside him and go to put my arm round him but start thinking about the conversation we had last night

When I'm in a panicked state I think it's best if you ask me whether you can make physical contact with me. I can be really iffy with it.

Pac jumps out of my arms as I sit down and settles down into the cushion beside me.
My eyes are really struggling to focus, the tiredness from recently waking up and the fact that they are straining to see.

"You mind if I hold your hand?"

He lets go of his t-shirt, indicating i'm allowed to.
I gently cup his hands in mine and I can feel them trembling.
His back is rising and falling at an alarming rate so I think about how to calm him down.