Chapter 35
11th June Thursday.
27th May
Even though I was trying, telling myself that walking for some help is okay, I have been always scared of these. I can never, or rather, have never thought of walking into a counsellor and let the world whisper. Yes, people whisper, laugh about you. Making you seem like... like a loser. But of course, of course it has to be a loser who goes there. It's stupid. I know I shouldn't care about those, if I want better, but I'm so scared.
--
Jenna please, just go. You don't have to be a loser, you're just struggling and the destination is not made yet. You need this. You need to be okay. You will be okay.
--
I know how the school worked, I mean, at least that the counselling lady would be there. Even when the school closes down, there are these people. So, I walked to her office and asked if I could talk. I was feeling so weird. Worse.
I told her I wasn't okay, that everything is going in circles.
She asked why.
But did I know it? No.
I didn't know all those. She said it was weird, but I'd be okay. That it's just me thinking very much. And that I shouldn't.
Moslty kids of our age comes to her on various matters, but it was strange for me. People scared of life has so many problems, like sexual assaults, violence, bullying, love issues, everything.
I don't know why she told me these, probably tried to let me know about people and recognize what I was through.
At the end of an hour, I still didn't learn anything, if not, I was just more into thinking.
But she did ask me to stay in touch and also that I'll be fine.
Was it okay?
Maybe not.
29th May
So, nah, nothing. Before going, I was excited more than scared but nothing, it didn't feel any good. I've been talking to the lady over texts, but I don't think anything is changing.
Maybe I wasn't able to recognize what the hell is going on.
1st June
Can I say I'm okay. A bit for now. But my mind just won't stop babbling.
You're okayyyy.
Ofcourse I knew that she'd be okay. Taking help does actually helps.
3rd June
Can I say something true? Nothing fuckin helped.
--
Shit. Shit.
That didn't work? For that whole week? Really? God.
I feel so damn devastated right now.
I looked at the clock, almost 5. it's almost 5 in the morning, now, and again, I read this the whole night.
Well.
Its okay. But school, that too last day before the holidays.
She should die right?
3rd round of edits.
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
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