The Wish From Heaven | ✓

side stories | edgar

"You look sad."

Edgar tries to laugh. "No, I'm not. Just tired."

Eugene lightly punches Edgar's stomach and says, "I'm your father. I can tell you're sad. Tell me what happened."

"Nothing, dad. I kinda did way too bad on the exam today."

"Oh, that's it then? Come on! It's all good. If you're not good at Biolgy, you'll be good at something else. Life holds so much more than a few academic degrees, you know? Don't be sad about it."

These are probably the kind of words Cedar wants to hear from his parents. Edgar smiles. "Thank, dad. I'll go take a bath."

He goes to the room where all the siblings stay together and puts his bag down. Eden comes back after picking Edith from school.

"Ugh, the little rat talks so much about roaches," Eden says with a sigh. "I also have to go to the stupid NA meeting later."

"Those meetings are helping you, dumbass," Edgar says, rolling his eyes.

"Doesn't make them any less stupid. But what's up with you?"

"Nothing's up," Edgar replies.

"'Course something is. You look sad."

"I'm fine, geez." Edgar takes a towel and heads to the washroom. He knows that he is gonna have to spill everything to his family sooner or later. He is just not in the mood right now. He did feel a lot better after talking to Alex for a long time, but as he was walking home, his mind drifted to how he's gonna show his face to school tomorrow, and all the happiness dissolved into dust with that thought.

"Yeah, now go to the bathroom and cry like a twelve year old girl!" Eden screams.

"Hey don't generalize!" Edith says, "I'm seven and I cry in the bathroom too."

Edgar ignores them and gets in the small bathroom, locking the door behind him. He takes off his clothes and stands under the shower. He covers his face with his hands and raises his head towards the shower head, the water hitting his hand first and then his whole body. The cold water feels so good on his skin in this scorching hot summer afternoon. He removes his hand, stares at the gray wall for a while, then walks over to the basin, above which there lies a mirror.

He stares at his reflection. Drops of water from his wet dark blonde hair hang from the tip of the strands for a while before falling down. He looks down at his body. Then he again faces himself in the mirror, takes a deep breath, and whispers to himself, and to the world, "I am a boy, but I have a girl's body."

Something stabs at his chest, but he takes another breath and continues. Cedar's words ring in his mind. He says to the reflection, "I'm not different, I'm just unique. And special. And extraordinary."

Another breath, this one getting hitched somewhere in his lungs. But he knows he can do it. He can say it. "I have as much right to be alive as the person next to me."

And another breath, accompanied a drop of tear slowly rolling down his eyes. "There's a whole month dedicated to me. There is a flag designed just for me."

And finally, he smiles, his heart sprouting saplings of great joy. The world becomes a bit more brighter, and memories of pain get buried under the earth. He is no longer alone, as a thick thread of trust has tied him to a certain nerdy bastard. He is no longer in pain, as a certain beautiful girl has accepted him with a warm hug. He no longer needs to take shelter under the shadow of lies, as there is nothing to fear if there is nothing to hide.

"With pride, I am Evren Conway, an intersexual."

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hello dudes, dudettes, and dudon'ts! (i learnt this recently XD). i wonder if i have any non-binary readers? if yes, comment here! this is a safe place :D

idk why but i cried while writing the scene of edgar. tears of happiness, honestly. maybe a bit of pride. i love edgar with my all ;-;

thanks a lot for reading! try to accept yourself and face the world bravely. remember that you're never alone. remember that there will always be at least one person walking beside you. maybe not yet, but it will happen someday. good luck!

- love, poma