The Wish From Heaven | ✓

chapter 28 : edgar's secret

"Huh? Yes . . . I have."

Oh, God. Intersexuals. People born with both male and female organs, or organs that differ from their chromosomes.

He swallows. As if with great difficulty, he lets out the three words. "I . . . am one."

Regardless of everything, relief floods my entire body, making the shock from the completely unexpected news feel negligible. Though it was the last thing I expected him to say, it still defies the fact that he won't permanently have to stay in the hospital in a few months and slowly die an agonizing death in front of my eyes. After Dawn and July, if he too left me, I would lose any will I have to live.

But I don't let the relief show. I put a hand on his shoulder and let him speak.

He glances at the hand, and then at me. He puts his hand to his chest and says, "Cedar, I'm a boy, you know? I really am. But my body is . . ." He struggles to form the sentence, and gulps in saliva after every word. "I don't have a . . . "

I nod and say, "I understand."

He looks like he is on the verge of tears. He is playing with his fingers anxiously, and not meeting my eyes.

"Tell me everything, Edgar."

He drawn in a deep breath, nods, and starts. "When I was born, they thought I was a girl. But the doctor noticed my . . . private organ is kinda bigger than normal, so she told my parents I might be one, but we can't be too sure until I reach puberty. My parents didn't quite believe her, but gave me a unisexual name anyway according to her advice. When I was 11, showing no signs of puberty, it was confirmed."

He laughs dryly. "My parents wanted to pretend that it wasn't the case and wanted to continue raising me as a girl but . . . that doctor– Sarah was her name – supported me a lot. She told me I can choose whether I want to live as a girl or not. That doctor was our school nurse Leah's mother. She passed away three years ago. She is the reason why I can live as a boy now, like how I want to."

"How did you know you wanted to be a boy?"

He shrugs. "I just did. It's just like how you know you're a boy without anyone telling you. Besides, to develop sexual characteristics of a girl, I would need hormone replacement therapies—super expensive and not easily accessible in our country. My parents weren't too happy though. I would have to live my entire life hiding my body, after all. It is also very uncommon for those with my disorder to choose to live as a boy. But . . . I've never regretted my decision. I like being a boy. I feel like myself."

He takes another deep breath. "My family came around to accept it too. Both brother Ed and sister Ely were very supportive. Grandpa knows too but he has a bad memory so he forgets sometimes." He pauses for a while and concludes, "11 years I lived as a girl, but now here I am."

That would explain why he has no childhood photos. I nod and squeeze his shoulders assuringly. I finally get it all. Everything has clicked together. He must have been hurt when I asked Are you a girl? to him back then. And now I have nothing good to say. I can't imagine how it was for him. No one but him, and people who have the same condition as him, would understand.

So I only say, "Thank you for telling me."

He doesn't reply. I decide to lighten the mood. "Oh, God!" I sigh out of relief and slump down on the bed.

"What?" Edgar turns his head back and raises an eyebrow, though he still looks scared.

"I'm so relieved."

"Huh? What's there to be relieved about?"

I shake my head. "You won't believe this, but the whole time, I thought that you had AIDS."