i will always HATE you!

IWAHY 73

Thank you for appreciating this story kahit republished na. lol. I can see your tweets. 🥰

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"I swear! He almost fainted when Bella told him that she wants kapatid." Bea ranted.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Kat asked her.

Bea was talking to the girls via video call. It was Thursday night. They make sure to talk at least once or twice a week after their reunion. But since Thirdy and Bacon were out with friends every Thursday night, it somehow became the girls' steady chitchat night. Other days, depends on the availability and urgency. Since Kim isn't married yet, madalas pa rin sya nakakajoin. Maddie, on the other hand, madalas late na makajoin sa kanila. But tonight, they're complete. If the could, they would rather make it a date night instead of a video call night. Mas ok PA run talaga ang kwentuhan face to face.

"I'm not sure I wanna do that." She sighed for the nth time already.

They would talk anything under the sun. It could be about married life, mommy duties, work, new movies, beauty products, sex, social issues down to that irritating office mate they have.

"Bea, if you don't talk to him, paano? Forever na ba kayo ganyan?" Maddie.

"May forever ba?" The girls could trace how disheartened Bea was as she asked it to no one.

"Bei!!" "Beatriz!!" "Beaaa!!" The girls called her out all at the same time.

"What? Since we got together, he never mentioned about wedding or, getting married. Not even once. And now, he doesn't want to have another kid with me. Which made me think, pag sa ibang babae kaya? Okay lang kaya sa kanya na magkaroon ng another baby? Probably, tama what my brain's telling me the whole time.. na he had to ask me to make it official just so we could say na we tried. When Bella gets old and she asks what went wrong, he could always blame me. That I was the one who backed out. I gave up. And tell you what? Right now, I want to give up. Coz this is not the life I imagined us to be. This is not what I signed up for. I am so stupid coz after all these years, I'm still the girl who dreams to be swept off her feet. I am just like Bella. I still believe in princesses, in fairy tales, in happy ever after. I want to be that princess who marries her prince charming. And I'd rather live my life alone than spending my life with him without the love I deserve. I deserve to be loved pa rin naman di ba?"

"Bei, do you want us to come over?" Kat asked worriedly.

"Or we could go out tonight. I'm sure Zolo won't mind."

"No. No. I'm sorry. You don't have to girls. I am already grateful that you're here.. listening to my rants. I don't know how I survived those years without you. Thank you." She said sincerely. Her eyes on the brink of crying.

"Bei whatever happens, we're here."

"And we won't go anywhere. Kaya dito lang tayo ha? There will be times na hindi tayo complete or isa lang available. But it won't change the fact na kung kelangan tayo ng isa, available tayo para sa tatlo. Di ba?"

"Thank you girls. I'm barely hanging on. Happy naman kami. Basta hindi lang namin pag-uusapan ang marriage and kids. Well, hindi naman talaga namin pinag-uusapan. Yun siguro ang problema. And I don't want to ask kasi what if tama yun iniisip ko na he just did it for Bella's sake. What if walang Bella? Will he still consider being with me? His ex still liking his photos and him liking that throwback photo with her didn't help it. And ex even had the guts to add Bella on facebook. Like why?? Tapos ako hindi? Hindi ba something fishy yun? I sometimes feel like I'm just a space filler. Dummy. Pilot test. Until he's sure of what he wants. Or he finds what he's looking for. Kung wala si Bella, he wouldn't even dare glance at me. Just like college. Kelangan ko pa syang inisin para lang mapansin nya ako. And right now, I'm just Bella's mommy. His bed warmer. Just his daughter's mommy. Never his. I don't want to live my life feeling unwanted again. I'd rather lose him than live my life in misery. I am so tired being the option."