Offenders

Offenders (23)

I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I’d killed him. I’d killed Freddie. He had died because of me.

 I said nothing as Hank and Nay drove us back to the DAU. I was curled up into a ball as I stared out the window at the passing trees and buildings. I felt like I was in a dream, but I was really in a nightmare.

I still said nothing once we got back to the DAU, and Hank and Nay were silent as we made our way inside. I wanted nothing more than to just go to my room and sleep forever, but I knew I couldn’t. They were going to make me talk about it. They had to.

We entered the meeting room and I took a seat, wrapping my arms around my legs. I buried my face into my knees and bit down on my lip as I tried to stop myself from crying.

I felt like my head was spinning. How could this have happened? It just didn’t seem real. No one was supposed to die, and especially because of me… Members of the DAU weren’t supposed to ever kill anyone.

“Violet, tell us what happened,” Hank said, crouching down beside me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I flinched. He immediately retracted and gave a concerned look to Nay.

It took me a moment, but I finally was able to shakily tell them what had happened with Freddie. They both clearly had no idea what they were supposed to do about what I had done.

“I killed him,” I whimpered, my hands on either side of my head. “I killed him, I killed him, I killed him…”

“Violet,” Nay frowned, her voice soft. “You didn’t kill him.”

“I did. I did.” I shook my head as my grip on it tightened. “I dropped him from the top of the stairs. I killed him.”

“No,” Nay continued, also shaking her head. “You said he tripped and you caught him before he could fall down the stairs, right?”

I shakily nodded.

Nay sighed. “Did you move him at all when he was in the air?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“Then he would have died anyway,” Hank interrupted before Nay could say it herself. “He would have fallen and died on his own. You just prolonged the time before his death.”

 I felt my lip quiver. “Huh?”

“You didn’t kill him,” Nay continued for my other mentor. “He would have fallen to his death whether you had been there or not. It had nothing to do with you.”

I didn’t know if I believed that. I still felt like it was my fault. Would he have really died if I hadn’t been there and he’d just fallen?

But I just kept thinking about what he was going to say before he fell. Something about my birthmark, something about me being… something. But what, I had no idea.

I found myself twiddling my thumbs as I tried to voice my thoughts. “He said…” I started, swallowing when my voice suddenly disappeared for a moment. I cleared my throat. “Well, he was going to say… that the birthmark on my shoulder… Apparently it means I am something?”

Nay’s eyes went wide and she looked at Hank, who seemed to have no idea what either of them were supposed to say to me. I felt my stomach immediately drop.

“What?” I demanded, shakily standing up from my seat, as if that would make them want to tell me whatever they were hiding even more. “I… I am something, aren’t I? Whatever he was going to say is true, isn’t it?”

“Violet, we don’t even know what Freddie was going to say─” Nay began, but I wasn’t about to fall for that. I saw how they looked at me.

“Yes, you do!” I interrupted, my hands shaking even more than they had been before, but this time I didn’t know if it was out of fear or anger. “You know what’s wrong with me; you know why I am the way I am. So tell me!”