The Internship

Chapter Twenty-Three

"But if I can't have you, I'll walk this life alone."

-Sam Smith // Leave Your Lover

Seven seconds. That is all I got for my mind to be blank. I turned off my alarm and rolled over, laying down in my previous position. I blinked a few times, but then my seven seconds were over and it hit me.

I lost him.

I groaned as both my hangover and exhaustion hit me at once. Today was going to be horrible.

-----

"Shhh, Kirstie. Keep it the fuck down," Mitch harshly whispered.

"Oh, your hangover? Sorry, I'll whisper."

"Yes but also because he'll be here any second. I don't want him to hear this conversation."

I sat down with my back against the wall next to Kirstie's office and my ear by the door. Mitch saying that I can't hear this conversation was most definitely making me want to hear it.

"Well are you okay? I'm neutral, you know that," Kirstie said.

"Yeah I know, friends with everyone shit."

"Are you snapping at me right now, seriously?"

Mitch sighed and I could imagine him fixing his hair. "No--I just--god, he is so stupid, it's maddening."

I felt anger stir within me. I had a feeling we wouldn't be friends, but I didn't expect him to come after me like this.

"Hey, he is not stupid," Kirstie said.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Look, I know you're know all about not taking sides but you have to agree with me on this one. He could have anyone, he's gorgeous. He had Alex for christ's sake, but he chose me. You can't honestly think he's smart for that."

I felt my anger pass and instead be replaced with sadness. Why didn't he understand that I'll choose him everytime?

"Oh c'mon. You don't honestly believe that," Kirstie said.

"Kirstie you know I do. He doesn't know so he thinks that I'm confident. But you, you know that I honestly believe that letting him go is the best thing I could ever do."

"Mitch, when are you going to tell him?"

"Never. I don't have to now, anyways. He isn't a part of my life."

"He works with you and is in love with you."

"He isn't in love with me, he hates me."

"You're making yourself think that, it's not true."

"He hates me, K. You weren't there and you don't know what he said."

"I swear your mind is poisonous. Whatever he said isn't as bad as you're making it to be."

"No, it was bad. He basically said that I wasn't enough. I wasn't giving enough or trusting him."

"I'm not on sides but do you think that maybe you didn't trust him? He did say he loved you soon. Maybe you were scared and pushing him away without noticing it."

"I-I don't know. But I need him and he needs better. I want him to be happy and I will do anything for him. So I have to let him go."

"Why can't you see that you're what makes him happy?"

EXACTLY. THANK YOU KIRSTIE.

"I'm too fragile, he'll break me."

"You have to trust him, he isn't--"