The Internship

Chapter Twenty-Nine

**SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING // MENTION OF SUICIDE**

I rolled over in bed, absentmindedly reaching out to wrap my arms around Mitch like I do whenever he sleeps over, but to my surprise he wasn't in bed.

I rolled onto my back. "Mitch," I tried to call, but I was half awake and it came out as a whisper. I groaned and rubbed my eyes before getting up. I walked out of my bedroom, "Mitch," I called.

He was sitting on the kitchen counter eating Fruit Loops out of the box. "Mitch, what are you doing? It's, like, one in the morning."

"I needed to do some thinking."

"Thinking? It's not about Alex again, is it?"

"No, no something a lot deeper."

"Are you okay?" I moved into the kitchen and stood between his legs as he sat on the counter.

He was crying and I wiped his tears with my thumb.

"Have I ever told you how grateful I am?" He asked.

"For what?"

"For saving me."

"Saving you? I think you're giving me a little too much credit there."

He smiled despite the tears still falling. "Sit on the counter over there." He motioned directly across from him. I did as I was told and soon we were facing each other.

"So?" I asked.

"You told me you want to get to know me, now is your chance."

"Can't we do it when the sun is actually up?"

"Things mean more at night."

I shrugged, "Where do I even start?"

"I know where to start," he said as he tossed a Fruit Loop at me and I caught it in my mouth. "Fuck small talk, you know? I don't care about the weather or how you're doing today. I want to know when you first fell in love, and how scared you were to come out to your parents. I want to know why you hate the rain and why there is a back brace in the back of your closet. Tell me your fears and your deepest secrets. Map yourself out for me and let me come home."

I smiled wide like an idiot. This was what I wanted, exactly what I wanted.

"I know you have questions for me too," he said softly.

"Yeah-- uh a lot, actually."

"Then go ahead."

"Okay-- uh do you remember when we broke up, like before you kissed me in the hallway and everything?" I didn't give him time to answer. "I-I uh eavesdropped on you and Kirstie talking that morning, and she said that you should tell me something? It sounded pretty serious and it's been bothering me ever since."

He looked confused for a second, then it seemed to dawn on him. "Oh wow, getting intense really soon." That did not make me feel better. "Scott-- oh my god, I don't know how to say this without being extremely blunt."

"I don't care, please just tell me."

"I--well I've tried to kill myself four times." He put his head down. "I'm depressed," he mumbled.

I jumped down from the counter and paced around the kitchen. "I'm your boyfriend, why didn't you tell me? Don't you think this is something I'd like to fucking know?! How dare you keep this from me!"

He was sobbing. "I tried to warn you. I kept you away but you kept--you kept pushing because you wanted me. I tried, I promise that I tried to keep my distance."