The Internship

Chapter Sixteen

There are 365 days in a year. And out of all of those fucking days, today is the day Mitch and I are supposed to go to the museum.

Alone.

"You need to calm down, sweetheart," Kirstie said. She squeezed my thigh. "You're getting worked up over nothing."

"It's not nothing, K," I said, my voice shaky.

I was sitting in her office. I had texted her this morning and asked if she could come in early to work so we could talk.

"Well you love the art, focus on that. Learn something today from amazing artists. Enjoy yourself, don't let the fear of Mitch being mad ruin that."

I took a deep breath. "I-I don't know how." I could feel my eyes filling up with tears again. "I just don't know what to do. I called him so many times last night. I know he's angry and he should be but--" I trailed off, honestly not knowing what I planned to say.

"If you're not in there in ten minutes, you'll be considered late. Any crying you want to do, do it now," Kirstie said, her voice was gentle, but the warning was still there.

"You know when Jeremy does something? Anything like, taking Olaf for a walk after you've had a long day, or cooking dinner for you, or just laughing at a joke, and all of sudden this big wave of love hits you. It's like you're falling in love all over again and you remember that he's yours and you're his and everything feels right. But imagine that happening and instead of knowing he's yours, you're reminded that you lost him and he's not coming back. That you fucked up and lost the only person in the world that you wanted."

"Oh Scott," she whispered, her own eyes filling with tears. "This is bad, you're not doing as well as I thought you were."

"I can't get him out of my head. It's like he's the same song replaying over and over again. And it hurts so bad because he's not thinking of me. He's moaning someone else's name. We both have vodka on our tongues but it's so different. He's drinking it with someone else and I'm sitting in my cold, dark apartment wondering when everything went wrong."

"Should I tell him no museum?"

"I'm fine. Can I have a tissue? My ten minutes are almost up." I furiously wiped at my eyes while lying to myself.

I'm okay.

"Babe," Kirstie said softly. "I don't want you to have to feel like your feelings mean nothing. He's important to you and you're hurting. It's okay to cry and eat ice cream and take a day off. You know that, right?"

"I do, Kit."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"And Scott?"

I turned around so that she'd know I was listening.

"He's hurting too. He has a brown notebook where he writes almost everything he's feeling. I wouldn't be surprised if your name was on some of the pages."

-----

"Who's your favorite painter? Is that even the correct term? I am so excited, Scott!" Mitch said exclaimed.

We were on our way to the musuem. The dicks who had planned this, picked one of the best musuems they could find, so we were driving three hours.

IN A CAR ALONE FOR THREE HOURS.

Mitch was overflowing with happiness. It hurt more to see him pretending we were best friends. When he was quiet and shutting me out, he was, in a way, letting me in. By not talking, he was showing me he was hurt. But by pretending he was alright, he was masking everything that he was feeling.

"Should we play a game?" He asked.

"I think I'm just going to go to sleep, if that's alright. I'm a little tired," I said.

"Sure, that's fine!"

I put my head on the window and closed my eyes. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, but I had to get Mitch's voice to stop. It was like sweet candy that had way too much sugar. He was putting up walls, but they were completely transparent.

Minutes later, when I'm sure Mitch thought I was sleep, he began crying. I could only imagine his shoulders shaking and eyes leaking as his walls came tumbling down.

I was shocked and had no idea what to do. It was the most painful thing to hear. It was the type of crying you do in the school bathroom when you don't want anyone to hear you. Where you try to cram your fist in your mouth and keep the tears in. And you keep mumbling "It's okay, you're alright" to yourself, but that only makes it worse. Because when you do that, it hits you that you're the only who can comfort yourself, because you're the only one there.

"I can hear you," I said, which was the dumbest thing ever.

He took a deep breath and tried to stop crying. "Sorry I woke you."

"I was never sleeping."

"Ahh, a trickster."

"No, it's just hard to sleep when the only person you want in the world is three feet away from you. Your mind won't slow down."

"Scott," he whispered, it felt like a warning but I didn't care.

"I called and texted you last night."

He stayed silent.

"We could be absolutely amazing, we could fall in love," I said.

"And what is love? An illusion created by too many vodka shots and broken promises? The theory that we're all broken souls who need someone to save us? No, I'm sorry I'd rather not fall in love. What does 'I love you' even mean?" He asked.

"It certainly won't mean anything if you spit it down the throat of every man who makes you feel more alive."

"Do you honestly believe that insulting me is going to make this better?"

"I'm telling the truth."

"I guess it doesn't matter, you already lost me."

"You're sitting right next to me."

"But I'm a whole universe away, Scott. You don't even know me."

"Then let me get to know you! You keep saying that I don't know you but you won't give me a chance. I want to know how your grandparents met, how you learned to ride a bike, how you felt when you first admitted to yourself that you were gay. I want to know everything!"

"I'm scared."

"I told you, I won't hurt you."

"No, not that you'll hurt me. I'm scared I'll hurt you."

"Fine, okay. If being broken and shattered comes with loving you, I'll do it. I don't care."

"You're an idiot."

"Am I your idiot?"

He smiled. "Yeah. You're my idiot. You're mine."

He kissed me briefly before turning back to the road.

To Kirstie: Guess who has a boyfriend?!

From Kirstie: NO WAY BITCH! I expect details later! Super happy for you guys but if you make me a third wheel I'll kill you.

To Kirstie: You're so sweet and supportive!

From Kirstie: Oh shutup you know I'm exploding with happiness for you guys right now. No sex in the car!

To Kirstie: OMG

I laughed and put my phone away. I slipped my hand into Mitch's free one. Our fingers interlaced and I lifted them and kissed the back of his hand. He smiled.

I couldn't imagine anything better than this.

A/N This was shortish(at least compared to the normal lengths of my chapters) but I'm going back to school tomorrow since I've been on Thanksgiving Break, so expect less updates. Thanks I love you all!