The Internship

Chapter Seven

A/N Ok so I went to the gym today and tripped and fell on the treadmill. I grabbed on to the side to catch myself and the treadmill was still running against my legs. Then I let go and flew off the end and into the wall. I got up in about 10 seconds and ran another mile because I'm a badass queen. Only about 12 people saw it, which was embarrassing enough. I have cuts all over my legs and ripped 2 or 3 layers of skin.

Moral of the story is don't exercise and eat some ice cream.

Everything hurts. My head and eyes because I cried the whole fucking Pacific Ocean last night. My body because I layed at an awkward angle while trying to hug myself, to establish some kind of comfort. My heart, godammnit, he ripped in half like it didn't even matter and it hurts more than anything.

I have been thrown through a hurricane named Mitch Grassi and am feeling all of the pain that comes with it. I was so goddamn stubborn, I wanted to believe that he'd change for me. That maybe I'd be different for him and he'd want to be in a real relationship. I was just setting myself up with lies and now I'm lying in a ball surrounded by a pool of my own tears because I was too selfish and stupid to face reality.

"Look Scott I just don't want you getting hurt. You have no idea what you're getting into. He's so complicated."

WHY COULDN'T I JUST LISTEN?!

I took a deep breath, trying to stop the next breakdown that was own its way. But with no success, the tears began falling. Soon enough my body was shaking as the sobs overtook it.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," my weak voice muttered. I wasn't talking about Mitch, I was talking about myself. I couldn't stay mad at Mitch, it was impossible. He'd infected every second of everyday. He was everywhere, no matter what I tried to think about it was always 'Mitch Mitch Mitch'. And not even in a bad way it was those lips, and eyes, and smile.

It began dawning on me that none of that would ever be mine, because he would never be mine. The sobs, that had subsided, returned and my body surrendered to the familiar feeling. My eyes were so sore and probably bloodshot. All of his words and actions weighed down on me and I let my emotions out onto my pillow.

"Fuck you for being this wonderful opportunity. I hate you"

"My walls are built so high this time. I'm not letting you in"

"I don't need you."

My body trembled as I tried to slow my breathing. My head was pounding and my tears were beginning to blind me. Soon my sobs turned to stray tears falling onto my cheeks.

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I don't know when sleep came, but I'm guessing around 4am. I woke up to my alarm clock going off at 6:30 so that I could go to work.

Work.

Mitch.

I reached over and grabbed my phone, silencing my Beyoncé alarm. I found Mitch in my contacts and called him. Relief flooded over me when he didn't answer.

"Hey Mitch it's-- uh Scott. I don't feel very good today, so I can't come to work. I'll try to let you know when I think I'll be returning. Have a good day."

I hung up and sighed, running my hands through my disheveled hair. It had probably sounded like I'd been crying but I honestly didn't care at this point. So what if he knows what he's done to me.

I layed back down and tried to get some sleep, since I only got about two hours. However, my mind had other plans. After a couple minutes, I decided to just give up and take a shower. Maybe it would help with the mess that was my mind.

I carried my aching body into the bathroom and was revolted by my appearance.

I stripped quickly and was soon in the shower. I let the warm water run over my body. I washed myself multiple times because maybe if I wash off all the evidence that he ever touched me, I won't feel pain anymore.

I don't know when, but soon I was sitting on the shower floor crying. Not sobbing, but silent tears falling as I realized how pathetic I really was.

He was never even mine. It wasn't like he broke up with me, I was just being pathetic.

I finally got out of the shower and put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. It's definitely not a day to impress anyone. I let my hair style itself and flung my body onto the couch.

I smiled at my decision to take a day off. Seeing Mitch would've been another problem in itself.

You'll have to see him eventually though, you can't hide. I thought.

I sighed and went onto Netflix, picking a romantic comedy that probably wasn't worth my time.

I kept watching terrible movies all day, but it was fine as long as it got my mind off of Mitch.

At around one, I got a text from Kirstie.

From Kirstie: Hey! I want to see you during my lunch hour. I'm going to Panera Bread so send me your address and order.

I sighed, having a war with myself. I didn't want to see Kirstie, or anyone else for that matter. But I also knew that I was lacking both groceries and the motivation to actually get out of the house and go somewhere to eat.

From Kirstie: Don't give me sick bs. Mitch and I are bestfriends

I groaned. Of course she knew. I texted her back my order and address and decided to look halfway decent.

I threw on some jeans but kept the t-shirt. I put my hair in its normal style and sprayed a little cologne. I cleaned up my apartment a little until I heard a knock on the door.

"Here goes nothing," I whispered.

I opened the door and gave Kirstie a wide, fake smile. "Hey babe!" I said.

She frowned at me. "Nope. No brave faces, I know you're not alright."

Now it was my turn to frown as I felt my blue eyes begin to water up. I didn't want to cry anymore. "I'll be alright, really. You warned me about him and getting hurt I was just stupid."

She walked in, setting our food on the table. "No honey. The only stupid one here is Mitch."

"Taking sides now are we?" I asked teasingly.

She brought me in for a hug, her small body doing its best to comfort my large one. This comfort was exactly what I needed, yet it made me feel worse because it wasn't coming from Mitch. I could feel my eyes filling up again and I fought off the urge to cry. Kirstie let go and I gave her a smile.

"I'm good I swear."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Be stubborn all you want. You'll talk when you want to."

A real smile came to my lips as I realized she wouldn't push me into talking. I just wasn't in the mood.

We sat down and ate, talking about random, different things. Soon Kirstie's lunch hour was over and she had to go. She hugged me again.

"Text or call me if you need anything at all."

"I will Kit."

"Alright hun, bye."

"Bye!"

I was once again left alone. The silence in my apartment rang in my ears louder than any sound could. Sobs began to consume me for the millionth time that day. I walked into my bedroom and fell into the comfort of my sheets.

What I'd give for some real comfort right now though. I needed someone, anyone. Just to feel someone's arms around me, anyone to make me feel more alive.

My sobs came to a sudden halt as I made a realization.

Mitch didn't push me away because of me.

He didn't sleep around because he thought it was fun.

Mitch was hurt by someone in the past and now he's too scared to love again. And he's so lonely that he'd give himself away to complete strangers.

He's broken.