The Internship

Chapter Forty-Three

I pulled my jacket closer to me as I waited in line for my tickets. The line seemed to be getting longer instead of shorter, and the lights of the city did nothing but shine as the night became colder.

I finally neared the front of the line and almost sighed in relief when I was given my ticket. I had no bags to be checked and soon I was riding an elevator with tourists. I decided to get off at a different place than the majority of those on the elevator with me. Wherever I ended up, I wanted it to be with a small number of people, where there were not many who could hear me.

I walked to where I could see the city and took in the beauty before fishing into my pocket. I pulled out a piece of paper where my handwriting was scribbled across lines. I took in a deep breath before beginning to speak into the night air, hoping that the one who needed to hear it would.

A Letter That He'll Never Read

Hi. I hope you're doing okay. Is that appropriate to ask? I don't know. I just hope you're finally happy.

It's been almost a month since you....you know. I stopped blaming you, I just can't seem to stop blaming myself. If you were here you'd probably tell me that it wasn't my fault. I just hope that you're okay now. I hope that you are finding joy without me.

I've started smoking. I know that I shouldn't, and even if you did occasionally, you wouldn't approve. But I'm trying. I really am trying to make it without you. Kirstie is making me see a therapist and I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. I was fine immediately after it happened. I was numb for about a week. Then I started to slowly feel it until I was collapsing under the weight of your absence. Kirstie found me shattering all the pictures I've painted of you, screaming your name, sobbing, and asking where you went. I didn't go back to work for a week and a half. 

There's a new head of the company, you'd really like him. He's creative and innovative and just so fun to be around. He won't let your spirit die, and I find you in everything while I work. It's painful at times, but familiar and amazing more often than not.

Kirstie is doing well. Sometimes Jeremy calls me in the middle of the night, saying that she's having nightmares of finding you again, and I have to drive over and calm her down. Sometimes she blames me, too. She always ends up apologizing profusely. I really don't think she can help it. She'll never be able to remove that image of you from her mind.

My family misses you...like a lot. None of them are particularly in love with me right now, but they all miss you. Tanner was a wreck when he found out, but no one was as bad as my mom. She loved you, Mitch. She really did.

And so did everyone. Everyone loved you so much. If you can hear me right now, just remember that. Everyone did and still does. I wish that you can feel the same way for yourself as well.

I hope you know that I'm on the Eiffel Tower right now reading this, reading and probably crying as well. I was going to propose to you here. I was going to begin the next chapter of our life. But now you won't even get to finish your book.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't protect you, or love you enough, or keep you here. You were entitled to a life far greater than the one you received and I am so sorry. I should've done anything to save you. I should've noticed.

And finally, thank you. Thank you for giving much more than I ever deserved. Thank you for loving me and giving me a chance at loving you. I felt included from the first moment that I began my internship. I owe you much more than I could ever repay, and while the words thank you do nothing, I'm begging that you listen.

This is my final farewell to you; the letter that you'll never read. Take care of yourself. Be happy. I don't know if you've gone somewhere else, began a new life, or forgotten about me. I just want you to have everything that I never gave you.

You were so beautiful and for a short time, mine. I loved you, I love you, and I always will love you. Thank you for the gift you brought upon me. The gift of love and new experiences. I will never forget you or what we had. As long as I'm here, our love will live on forever.

Goodbye, my love. I suppose you loved the stars so much you became one. I promise one day we'll return to the same galaxy.