Far Beyond Broken

September 13, 1984. Friday

Rex took a seat next to me on the couch. I wasn't sure where to start.
“Look I-”
“I'm not here for small talk Katie. Get to the point.” When he spoke in that stern voice it hurt me on the inside.
I turned the volume on the television down, so I could talk and hear better.
“I never got to fully apologize. I'm sorry Rex, for hurting your feelings or leading you on. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We've known each other for such a short amount of time it doesn't feel possible for me to have these feelings. But I do and I don't want to act too hastily on them. If we give it some time maybe things will work out.”
He looked at me, I could see the hurt. It was a different hurt than the last time though.
Rex gently took my hand into his.
“I'll tell you the truth, Katie. I know it's only been a few weeks since we met but my feelings are genuine. The night at Darrell and Vinnie's made that clear. I made sure you went to sleep first that night on the couch. I wanted to make sure you were alright. Honestly, I didn't want to sleep on the floor because I liked laying with you so much, but I knew you would be more comfortable if I did.”
Rex paused for a moment.
“If you want time K, you can have it. But I will always be here for you. In any way.”
“Thank you, Rex.”
He let go of my hand. I stared into his dark eyes.
I know I shouldn't do this. I just couldn't get enough.
I leaned in towards his lips.
The phone ringing jolted me from my sleep.
I looked around, no one was here. Just a dream.
I ran to the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, honey.”
“Dad! How are you?”
“Doing fine, I've been real busy. How about you?”
“I'm doing good. I'm in a band and I've met some cool people. We're hanging out all the time. I think I could stay here a while.”
We both laughed, knowing he would probably be stationed somewhere else next year. I would be eighteen, so I could stay if I wanted.
“What kind of music do you play.”
“Rock. The girls in the band are Mad and Vic. Actually, their names are Maddie and Victoria, but they don't go by those names.”
“An all-girl band. That's cool, we need more of those. Have y'all been playing anywhere?”
“Darrell got us into this little club called Savy's.”
“Darrell? Is that a boyfriend?”
“Oh no. It's kinda a funny story of how we met. I should probably save it for another time. It could take a while to tell.”
“Is your mom home?”
“No, she's still working. I can leave her a message though.”
“Let her know I called and I love her.”
“Will do.”
A silence filled the phone line.
“Dad, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, honey.”
“If there's an opportunity that comes up in life how do I know to accept it or not?”
“Usually you will have a gut feeling. Good or bad. You should stick to whatever your gut says.”
There was another silence.
“Sometimes there will be a sign. They're not always obvious. Signs can be misleading at times. So I would just go with whatever your gut says. Is something happening baby?”
“Just some drama, really nothing important.”
“Everything is important when it comes to you. You're my baby girl.”
“I know dad. I love you.”
“I love you too Katie. I have to get off of here honey. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
The line cut off.
I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling for a while.
I ran to the phone.
“Hey.”
“Darrell, I need you to come to my house. Just you.”
“Everything alright?”
“Yeah. Just come.”
“I don't know your address.”
“413 Highland Drive.”
“I'm on the way.”
Darrell helped me write two songs.
Guillotine and Soul.
Guillotine was more upbeat, I planned on playing that one.
Soul, on the other hand, was slower, more personal. I chose to keep it between the two of us.