Far Beyond Broken

September 11, 1984. Wednesday

People at school started recognizing the girls and I more at school.
Bill told us he enjoyed our performance but didn't want us back until we had our own music written. He said tons of cover bands wanted a shot, so he was trying to help them out.
Rex and I haven't talked about our kiss. Matter of fact we haven't talked about much since that night.
As soon as we pulled into the hotel parking lot I lost my train of thought.
The guys pulled up next to us in two separate vehicles. Rex's Chevy LUV and Darrell's Firebird.
Vinnie and I went to the front desk and got the keys while everyone else unpacked.
Before everyone had all of their stuff unpacked and settled Darrell already had his guitar plugged in and was walking around playing a tune.
“Come on man, you're not even gonna help us?” Terry asked.
“I did my part. Chill dude, it's spring break. Let me enjoy this.”
Once everyone was done we sat in the guy's room and drank beer.
“Did I tell y'all that Rita was gonna come?” Darrell said.
“I can't believe you have a girlfriend. Rita is actually pretty, and you're, um. You,” Vic replied.
“We're not dating. I'm gonna ask her one of these days. Also, I'm not ugly. My momma tells me I'm a handsome young man.”
We all let out a laugh.
“Are any of you seeing someone?” he asked.
The thought of my last kiss with Rex came back into my head.
“Nope,” I replied.
“I met this redheaded chick at Joe's a few weeks ago. We've gone out a few times but it's nothing serious,” Terry said.
“I don't know how a girl could stay with you longer than a night. All you want is sex,” Mad replied.
“That's not true. I like the raw emotions too.”
We laughed.
“Whatever man,” Rex said.
Everyone decided to go to sleep before two A.M so we could have a full day tomorrow. I couldn't fall asleep. I went down to the pool even though it closed at ten.
I laid on a chair. Rex sat next to me.
“I thought you were asleep?”
“I almost was but I heard your door shut, so I followed you out here.”
“Definitely not weird.”
There was a heavy awkward silence.
“Should we talk about that kiss? Or was that just the alcohol too?” he asked.
“I've been trying my hardest to avoid this conversation.”
“I can tell, you've been avoiding me as much as possible.”
“I'm sorry.”
More silence.
“So what was it?”
I looked at him. The words couldn't come out. I didn't want to hurt him or our relationship.
“I feel something for you, Katie. Those kisses meant something to me. Even if I was messed up.”
“I feel something too. I just, I don't want to risk messing up our friendship you know? If we did start seeing each other but something happened it could mess up my relationship with everyone.”
“So you're going to ignore these feelings? Push them away. Just because of a 'what if' ?”
“I'm sorry R-”
He left before I could finish my sentence.
A heat came over my face and tears filled my eyes. I swallowed hard, a few tears streamed down my cheeks. I ran back to my room.