rainbows

nineteen

"What the fuck?" I say looking at him.

"What?" He asks flustered

"Nothing." I shake my head "You just can't come here."

"Unannounced," I say emphasising it, looking back to make sure the door's closed.

"Okay." He says looking around, rubbing hands on his jeans.

"Or maybe you can," I say with a tilted head narrowing my eyes.

"Look I don't want my parents especially mother..." I start off rubbing my face, he interrupts me mid-sentence "I get it I get it."

"Okay," I said eyeing him. "So..." I start off putting hands in my pocket.

"Oh, yeah." He says nodding "C'mon" turning around he starts walking. I follow him in silence. I'm glad he didn't talk about last night. We keep on walking for a few, the silence suffocating me. I'm comfortable with him a lot more than I am with anyone but the silence surrounding us feels heavy. As if he could hear my thoughts he turns around at the exact moment speaking something incoherent. I heave a sigh of relief knowing I won't have to strike a conversation.

"Say again." I shake my head

"What?" He looks at me "Oh okay." He nods
"I asked if you remember Chase."

"Chase?" I narrow my eyes.

"Chase Smith." He says trying to make me remember him. Chase smith. The name rings a bell. I think I remember him. "Wait-Ah" Realisation dawning on my face as I speak. "The guy who used to be with you in school?" I ask.

"Yeah." He nods

"Okay, what about him?" I ask. I saw Chase a few months ago in a store. He, unlike Ryan, didn't go to college straight away, he stays in-between places, sometimes with his father and sometimes with his mother.

"Yeah well, he's going to be with us today." I instantly turn my head towards him the moment he speaks up.

"What?" I raise my eyebrows. "Isn't he supposed to be in England?"

"Umm yeah about that, he came back a few days ago. I've been with him." He scratches the back of his head asking me "Is-is that okay with you?"

"Yep-Yeah" I vigorously nod, a wave of apprehension hitting me.

He eyes me for a moment "Totally" I smile

"Okay." He says and then starts walking. The rest of the distance is covered by him talking about Chase as I try to listen but in the back of my mind all I can think of I'm going to act normal with him, not to make myself or him feel awkward. I've never heard him talk about his friends, or maybe I never thought of asking. I feel a pang of guilt in my chest, it keeps on growing with every word he speaks. Jeez, I'm such a bitch.

Ryan talks about how the place we're going to win the same place Chase and he discovered. He says something, I turn around to see him laughing with his head back. The fuck? Does he laugh at something he said? How stupid.

He turns, his pale skin right in front of my eyes and I notice things I haven't. Minor things, things that are extremely insignificant. The way the small dots around his nose push up when he crinkles his nose with his eyes closed as he laughs. The way he pushes his long hair back from his forehead every two minutes. I step back a little, feeling extremely close to him, knowing he too has an extremely close look at my face.

We keep on walking, the sound of trees rustling coming to our ears as our feet collide with the rocks on the road. We pass a familiar road stopping in front of an abandoned building. A creeper plant grows on the worn-out wall in the corner of the building, white dust circled around the whole thing. A window, covered with dust is situated on both sides. It looks haunted. I turn to look at Ryan. "What is this?"