Misery Needs Love Too

explanation of kovits mind

Coming inside after a hard day at the office, kovit went to the kitchen to have whiskey for dinner.
Grabbing the bottle, he took it upstairs to go and lay down in gulfs empty room to look to the ceiling.
Kovit took a deep breathe in, shaking his head consuming the liquor, to grit his teeth has he thought of his past.
From the moment of kovits birth he grew up in a physical abusive home.
At a young age kovit had to witness his father hurt his mother and have a strew of mistresses come in and out of there home. Growing up with such, kovit thought it was acceptable. Also his mother always seemed to enjoy his father's abuse. The few times he was there to witness it, she always wore a smile then kissed him after.
They seemed to be deeply in love.
By age 7 a new family had moved into the house next too them. Outside playing, kovit wore a huge bruise on his face. He had accidently got in the way of his father hitting his mother to. Take the punch. Both ended up slapping him up side the head to laugh, then too step together to kiss. After, kovit went to be outside sitting in his swing set looking down. He didn't know if this how other households or relationships functioned but maybe they did.
Looking to the side, a ball came into his yard. Getting up, he stepped too it to hold.
A boy shuffled through the bushes to walk to kovit acting a bit shy.
Kovit moved his lips about then held out the ball for him.
The boy smiled to grab.
"Mmm thank up."
Kovit nodded.
"Uum would you like to play?"
Kovit looked to his house. Should we?
The boys eyes widen when he saw the bruise.
He stepped too it, placing his hand on it. Kovit winced to turn his head.
The two stared at each other.
"Are....you okay?"
Kovit shrugged.
The boy took his hand down.
"Let's play. I'm shinee."
Kovit smiled to nod.
After, the two became close to play when they could, has they grew they went to different schools so they could only hang out in kovits back yard. His father worked with bad people so after school kovits father made sure he stayed home. He did not grow up seeing how other relationships or other house holds functioned. Kovit manily was confined to school and home, then work when he hit age 9.
By 13, shinee and koviet, were too the back, sitting to the edge of a brick line, moving there legs up and down.
Kovit had another bruise on his face.
This time, his father didn't want him to play with the neighbor boy anymore but to try and hang out with some girls. Kovit knew at a young age he did not like the opposite sex.
He had grown deep feelings for his friend shinee. This boy was the only one to show him any kindness and gentleness. The two never fought, shared a lot of the same interests and loved to hang out with one another.
Peering his eyes to the side, shinee's eyes looked the bruise up and down. Kovit signed.
"Shinee you know how i don't like you to stare when i get bruises."
"Kovit?"
"Mmm?"
Shinee brought up his hand to kovits face to turn it. His lips parted, eyes widen. There eyes darted.
"Your father has no right to hit you."
Kovit shrugged.
Shinee signed. Over the 6 years they never talked about kovits family or the abuse he was subjected too. They manily would just indulge into them two, too escape. Shinee didn't know of kovits life or what he was thinking love was and how it should be shown.
Sighing, shinee leaned his head closer for them to lock there lips. Kovits eyes Widen, then closed. He had Been dreaming of this.
It was short lived.
His father came, in haste, to grab shinee by the back of his hair to pull him down then along, to scream a bit in pain.
Kovit followed rushing.
"Dad! Dad! Let him go!"
He turned to push kovit to punch not letting shinee go.
He winced.
"Stop! Don't hurt kovit!"
Kovit on his butt looked up, eyes darted.
His father turned to eye shinee.
"My son is no faggot! Let us see how your parents feel about this!"
He turned to point his finger to kovit.
"This is over! You two are never to see each other again! Stay here kovit!"
Kovit watched shaking has his father pulled shinee away.
In a months time, shinee and his family moved. His father made sure of it.
By the end of the month his father had taken kovit to a prostitute.
She looked back at kovit, who sat to the edge, head hung. She looked back to his father.
"You..... want me to have sex with your 13 year old?"
"To fuck the gay out of him yes."
She played aloffness.
"Okay....but you need to leave."
He smiled then parted closing the door.
She went to sit next to kovit placing a hand on his. He shook.
"Look.....i know how to lie convincingly to my father. Since you are getting paid. Can....we just pretend we..."
She nodded.
"Happy you think the same has me. I'm sorry but you are too young."
He nodded.
Getting up, he went to the bathroom to lock the door, to do some sit ups, anything to cause him to sweat.
Out, the girl stood to mess his clothes and hair.
"You ready for this?"
Kovit hung his head.
"Yes."
Walking out, his father believed they had sex. He stepped too kovit to hug him.
"Now you are a man. Let's go."
A few months later, his father was researching homosexual relationships has kovit went about cleaning his office. His father concluded that if his son was gay it could bring in more clientele.
Looking up he saw kovit, sitting at his desk, to start on paperwork.
"Kovit?"
"Yes?"
"Are you gay?"
His eyes peered up then to his father.no words were spoken but his father nodded.
"I think this will be beneficial to our firm. Bring in not just drug dealers and other low life's but maybe high profiled people. So in short be gay."
He looked down with a smirk. Kovit grimanced he hated when he was being used.
By the time school started back up, he went after a few, trying to replace shinee kindness and gentle behivor. None prevailed. Seeing from his parents, he thought maybe hitting them and going after them hard would show it. Many excepted the relationship after hearing of his parents name and kovit did not want that so.he would lose interest.
Turning 15, another year was upon him, he decided to try and get into a functional relationship by any means necessary.
At his house, he looked himself over, placing on his uniform.
to hurt is too love. Just look at your parents kovit. See how much your mom likes it.
He nodded to take a deep breathe in.
Kovit in essance didn't wish to be violent but by how he grew up, he thought that it was a normal thing to do.
Done, he left without breakfest to walk to school to sit near the school gate, thinking of shinee. Kovit missed him desperately, his father. Even made sure kovit couldn't even find out where he went, with the hackers he had in his back pocket.
Signing, he looked over to see a few feet away a young looking boy, giving a homeless Man an apple then excitedly went through the gate.
Kovits eyes widen by the boys generosity.
Maybe.....he is what I'm looking for.
Kovit got up to follow suit.