Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

Hold Me Now

Kian's POV

Text: "Hey Ricky, saw some weird buildings in Paris, I'll send some photos." No response.

Text: "Ricky, pic of me and Andrea waving at you at dinner." No response.

Text: "Hey Ricky, wanna Skype tonight?." No response.

Text: "Ricky, are you ok? Seems like you're busy. Liked your video." No response.

Retweet of @RickyPDillon: "Watch my new video with Trevor Moran: Singing Theme Songs.". No response. Trevor responds by liking my post.

Ricky tweets a picture of a plane with the words "new adventure". @rickypdillon "Where r u going. Miss you in Paris." No response.

My life sucks. Even though I am supposed to be having a great time with Andrea in Paris, I can't because I'm worried about Ricky. Andrea and I were having a great time until Ricky stopped responding to me three days ago. Now I barely want to get out of bed. Is he ok? Why would he stop texting me. I'm supposed to go home in two days and now it appears Ricky is traveling somewhere, without me. I know JC is taking Lia to Texas. Maybe Ricky is going home too?

I decide to text Connor: "Hey Bon, what's happening in LA?"

"Hi Bean, I'm actually gonna go visit Troye tomorrow (heart emojii). I'm beyond excited. Sorry, I know we said we'd hang when you got back. We'll do dinner when I get back. I'll bring you something from down under."

"Have fun Con! Is Ricky ok?"

"Aw Bean, he's ok. Just be patient with him...let's Skype next week. Gotta sleep, early flight."

"Love you Bon."

"Love you too Bean (heart emojii)"

So it's true, Ricky just doesn't want to talk to me. I scroll through my memory for what I said that offended him but I come up with nothing. Our last conversation was so positive. I was excited about Andrea but also about seeing him. That's probably it, my excitement about Andrea. Ricky probably doesn't want to hear about that. But how can we be best friends again if I can't talk about Andrea with him? Uggghhh, I just want him to talk to me.

I look back on my texts with Connor, at least Con still loves me...I think. It's enough to get me out of bed I guess. I scramble to my feet, toss on a sweatshirt, and head out to Andrea's living room. Andrea is sitting on her couch, working on her laptop. She doesn't even notice me walking in. She's been really good to me the past couple of weeks. We've talked a lot, made out, cuddled but avoided sex. We both want to make sure we are ready to have a full relationship again. I sneak up behind her and kiss her cheek.

"What? Oh Kian, you're finally up. Are you sick? It's not like you to spend 14 hours in bed. I thought we were going to go see Versailles today?" She asks.

"I'm not sick; I'm just a little down and depressed. We said we would be honest right?" I respond and sit next to her.

"Absolutely, we have to have a relationship based on trust." Andrea responds.

"It's Ricky. He hasn't returned any of my messages for three days. I think he hates me." I answer, looking down and away from her. She wraps an arm around my shoulder.

"Aww Kiki, you still love him, don't you?" She says, annoying me a little.

"We talked about this. I'm always going to love Ricky Dillon. I just can't be in a relationship with him because I'm not gay. So you don't have to worry about that. But I need him to be my best friend Andrea. I've already lost Sam and I can't afford to lose Ricky." I realize that I'm crying again. I've cried more times with Andrea these two weeks than I care to admit. Truth is I'm not emotionally stable at all and we both know it. I'm afraid Andrea is going to pull away too. She rubs my back slowly, reassuring me so I feel better. I don't deserve her either. I don't deserve anyone in my life. I guess Ricky has finally realized that.