Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

At the Fair

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just want to say that I am so proud of and inspired by Connor. I am so happy for him! (Posted the day after Connor came out).

Ricky's POV

"Why do I even bother with you two, all you do is sit around and mope." JC says exasperated because neither Connor or I want some messy soda bottle challenge with him out back. "I'm going to go hang out with Lia.

JC is right of course. Connor has been missing Troye and I am still confused and hurt over Kian. We're both flopped out on couches and doing nothing on our laptops. Kian has been gone for several days and somehow my yearning for him is worse when he is not here. I really suck at this whole falling out of love thing. Suddenly I get a text from Trev.

"Wanna go to the San Diego County Fair? It's seniors discount day!"

"Why would we want to go on senior discount day?" I reply.

"Because the fair is lots of fun and we won't run into as many fans and less competition for the games and rides." Trev texts back and this makes sense. If any of us really want to hang out, we often have to choose places that don't attract teens.

"Ok. Pick you up in an hour." I reply and get up off the couch.

"Hey Con, you want to come to the fair with Trevor and me?" I ask.

"I would but my sister is coming in to cheer me up. She's going to give me some cooking lessons so I can cook for Troye next time he is here...whenever that is..."

"That's cool. You can practice cooking for us." I reply with a big smile. Connor throws a pillow at me. I quickly grab some sunscreen, sunglasses, water and a hat and head out to get Trev.

An hour or so later, we arrive at the fair and Trevor was right. We run into a couple of fans and take pictures but its mostly us, seniors and grandchildren. The lines for the rides are short. They are just fair type rides but it's a lot of fun and I mostly forget about Kian.

They have a beach area, so we strip off our shirts and lounge on the sand for a while, as far away from everyone as we can. After about fifteen minutes of sunbathing, I get up the nerve to ask Trevor some personal stuff. "Hey Trev, can I ask you something kind of personal?"

"Sure Ricky, you're like my best friend, well like you and Connor." We both smile.

"What you said to me on our last night in France really scared me and I'm worried about you. How often do you think about death and dying and suicide?" I ask.

Trevor studies me intently for a minute before responding. "It's been hard not to after Sam died. It's all connected to my anxiety. I was really bad for a while. Connor knows how bad I was but I guess he never told you. But I've been doing better and don't think about it much anymore. I've been getting help and seeing a doctor every couple of weeks. So I am doing a lot better. My biggest fear right now is someone else leaving me." He's kind of shaking again and I put an arm on his shoulder.

"Trev. I'm always here to support you. We all love you and none of us want to go through that again." I reply and he smiles a little.

"I know that and I really am doing better. You know what? We worry about each other too much. We should spend more time enjoying hanging out and doing our thing." He says. I couldn't agree more.

"Ok Trev, what do you want to talk about?"

"Welllll, since we are talking about personal stuff..." He stands up right in front of me. "Give me your honest opinion, is my body attractive?"

"Whoaa, Trev, you're younger and I really don't think of you that way." I reply and avert my eyes.

"I know that Ricky and I'm straight, I really am, no matter what people think. But I know you are attracted to guys and I want to know what you think. Just be honest."