Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

And So it Begins...

Ricky's POV

I don't have enough luggage for everything I need to take on this tour. I look at the huge pile of clothes and equipment on my bed, We are on tour for nearly two weeks, ten different cities. I need night clothes, day clothes, beach clothes and when is there ever going to be time for laundry. Laptop, tablet, cameras...ugh. "Kian" I call across the hall, "I don't have enough room."

I'm really excited about this tour. We are going to see more than 20,000 fans. It's wild to think about being on tour with the guys in O2L. I've never been to half of these places. How did it ever come to this? And I am stressed about it. How do we find the time to make good videos amidst all of the travel and shows and meet and greets and fans? I'm going to follow Connor's lead. Somehow he'll figure out how to keep it all together.

Kian pops his head into my room. His smile calms me down instantly. "I've got an extra duffle bag if you want." he says, "My mom brought me like 6 of them." He tosses a green bag at my feet and walks out.

Kian may be the most special person in my life. It is amazing how our friendship has grown in the last 18 months. We know we have an amazing life but that doesn't mean their aren't down parts, depression, tiredness. We keep each other going. But it's more than that. I just feel better around him.

All of us in O2L are different even though we get along great. Connor keeps us grounded. He may seem like an incredible extrovert on camera but behind the scenes he struggles to be "on" all of the time. He does spend quite a bit of time alone or with friends and family outside O2L. I understand completely. I always find it hard to be extroverted and energetic all the time. Connor and I don't spend as much one-on-one time together as two roommates might but when we do it is meaningful and we have fun.

JC is so easy to be around and is the easiest to just sit back on the couch with and watch TV while talking about nothing important. Our friendship is fun but we rarely talk about deep stuff. Just workouts and girls and things like that.

Sam likes to party, which isn't me as much. I mean sometimes, when I am in the mood for a wild ride, I call Sam up and off we go. Others come too. But unless he is hanging at the O2L house, Sam and I don't talk that much outside of the group. Trevor, despite being younger, is really cool. Music is what we share most in common and we have sat for hours just listening, and singing, and trying out parts. Although he can be a little bit of a diva, it is always fun to have him around.

And then there is Kian. Kian and I basically live in each other's pockets, particularly when Andrea is not around. Trevor teases us that we are like an old married couple. I can literally sit with Kian in my room or his room for hours and be happy. We may not even talk much, may be working on things but I just feel happy knowing he is there. Sometimes we talk about the wildest things and fantasize about where our lives may go next. Often we just talk about life, how we are feeling, what's going up with him and Andrea, and my pathetic love life. I don't know why he comes to me for so many ideas and advice for him and Andrea since my love life is basically non-existent. But that's just us. We tell each other everything...well almost everything.

You see recently I came to the full realization that I am bi-sexual. Definitely bi-sexual, I have had some fantastic, romantic and sexy times with the girls I have dated even though it has been a while since I have been in a real relationship. But lately I have wondered what it would be like to be that way with a guy. I think I have always repressed those sorts of thoughts but now I am thinking about them more. I have really never done anything with another guy other than the stupid 13-year old circle jerk type thing that guys do when they are young and full of new hormones. I don't know that I can tell Kian about this. I don't think he would freak out or anything but I wonder if he would be concerned about what it means for our friendship. Would he worry about me coming on to him? That is not going to happen. It would be easier to talk to Connor about this. He seems more open to the whole idea and has several close gay friends. Sometimes I wonder if he might be bisexual too. One thing is for sure, if I do act on these feelings, there will be no members of O2L involved. They are totally friend zoned. Especially Kian, I would never do anything to hurt our friendship.

So I am done packing. The third bag did the trick. I take a deep breath and ready myself for the trip. I pick-up my bags and head into the hall.

"Ricky, Kian, hurry up the airport shuttle's here!" I hear Connor call.

I smile at Kian, who comes out of his room with two bags and a knapsack. He smiles back knowingly. We are on our way.