Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

The Kian Lovers Fan Club

Authors Note: Although the sadness over Sam's death still lingers, it is time to move to the Rickian core of this story.

Ricky's POV

I say goodbye to Kian and his Mom and then told JC and Lia of my other lunch plans. I go over to talk to Trevor and wrap him in a big hug. All I get out of him was a muffled, "I'm ok." I look at Connor who mouthed "not ok at all." I pull Connor aside and ask what he was planning.

"Blake and I are going to take him around in the limo, fill him with ice cream and see if we can get him to open up?"

"Yass," I explain, "but I made other plans. I tell Connor about my lunch date and he agrees I need to go.

I wander over to the back parking lot and spot the girl with the purple hair. She turns as I approach and forces a smile. We embrace. "It's all so tragic Ricky," Andrea whispers, "How are you doing?"

"I'm sad and disoriented but doing as well as I can...I'm coping better than some of the others..." my voice trails off.

"He's in bad shape." Andrea states matter of factly but laced with compassion.

"Yeah. So is Trevor but kind of different. At least Kian reacts." I respond.

Andrea breaks our embrace. "Let's talk about it over lunch. Your car or mine?" she asks. I almost laugh and she sees a puzzled look on my face. "Right," she says, "your car is parked outside my building with Kian's. I'll take you to grab it after lunch."

We get in her car and she drives to Panera without even asking. After ordering, we sit and she smiles genuinely at me. I get a few looks because of the tux. I remember why I had a crush on her once and how lucky Kian is...or was. Her smile fades.

"Ricky we have a problem and we both need to understand how messed up Kian is. The past two nights I have had first a multi-hour phone call and then last night an impromptu visit. He was frantic about dreams and nightmares he was having. He blames himself for not being a better friend to Sam. He is angry at Sam for leaving him. He thinks Sam doesn't want to be replaced by you or anyone else. At the same time he is freaked out that you or me or someone else will abandon or leave him too. Am I making sense. It's a mess."

I sigh and respond, "I think I knew most of this but not the full picture. He hasn't wanted to talk with me about all this. Just you."

"And that's the problem. It has to do with guilt he feels over you replacing Sam. I told him he needs to see you and Sam as different best friends that can never replace each other. He needs to accept that quick. He has too."

I nod but I am not sure where she is going with this. She can see the struggle on my face and explains.

"I love Kian but we're not together. I leave for a six month Paris internship tomorrow and although I hope you all come visit, I can't be there for him like he needs. Sure sometimes on Skype but not the person to physically be there for him as he works through all his emotions."

"In all the grief over Sam, I forgot about your internship. Now this makes sense." I reply, "You know I will be there for Kian."

"Ricky, I think it is going to be really hard. That's why we needed to talk about it. I think you are the only person who truly loves Kian like I do. We're like the Kian lovers fan club, accepting the quirks with the great. I know you can do it but it may be late nights and being woken up and a lot of patience to get through this. I told him he needs to come to you and see you as his rock. Can you do it Ricky?"

"Of course, and I'll have you and the others to help. But will Kian be ok relying so much on me?"

"I think so. He recently told me that he thinks you trust him more than anyone and he was so happy about that. So I think he will come around to knowing you will be the one to get through this with."