day by day

love, no longer

one day everything was great, I was confident in us for the first time in a while, we were in love,

happy

I had you.

and then it happened.

I can't even say for sure what "it" is.

but it happened, and I knew it would, but I didn't expect you to stay as if it never did.

they say after three months you can't fake feelings anymore which is why a lot of relationships don't make it much longer than three months.

its been almost four months.

I don't want to be right about this.

I want to be so fucking wrong and I want you to fucking see,

for once

what you do to me.

you are destroying me.

you switched up so fucking fast, you aren't even you anymore.

I don't want to be right.

I want to be wrong about you not having any love for me anymore,

wrong about you not being what I thought, and now no longer being what I want.

wrong about me not being what you want anymore,

wrong about the fact that theres probably someone else.

I want

more than anything right now,

to be fucking wrong about this.

but I know I'm not.

you're gone

I can feel it

everythings changed

whether you're ready to recognize it, or you, like me, don't want to accept that we did it again,

we thought we had these feelings for someone, and we thought we wanted everything with them,

and we ended up being too fucked up, again

I am so tired of always being so goddamn close to having you, and then you like, bolting a million lightyears away.

my heart is breaking.

I am lost.

I don't have a single part of my future that I haven't built you into.

you had convinced me to let you consume my very fucking being and now you're in my veins.

and I don't know how I'm supposed to get you out,

or if I even want to..

you said you felt it too

you said I was your other half

you said you were in love with me

you said you wanted to marry me

you said you wanted to live with me

build a life with me

a household

a family

you said all of it

because I was unsure and didn't want to smother you, and you knew it, so you said it, so I would know it was safe,

real.

you said I was the goddamn love of your life.

you looked at me, and you told me it was okay,

that you would never hurt me again like you have before,

that you were in love with me and only me.

that it was only me,.

for fucks sakes

you couldn't even tell me that you think I'm enough.

everytime I had those doubts you ignored them and fuck that only led to more.

I don't love who you are.

I love who you were.

love, no longer.