day by day

doubts

is it unfair of me to doubt you?
or was it naïve of me to think that we wouldn't have our issues?
or is it both?
or am i right.
doubts.
they're the silent killer.
i wish i could say i've never doubted your love for a second.
but i have.
for so many seconds.
more than i'd like to admit.
countless times i have laid in my bed,
or sat at my desk,
and just let my mind wander until that horrible feeling sets in in my chest and the shivers go down my body.
a feeling i've grown so comfortable with.
anxiety.
i like to say it's my main emotion.
it causes so many doubts in my heart and in my mind.
especially about us.
i told you one night that i never stressed about us, because i knew we were solid.
you laughed.
you laughed.
not that i should be surprised.
a laugh is usually all the response i get when i try and make you happy.
or just a tossed out "i love you"
do you even mean it half the time?
what about all the time?
do you still want me?
are you tired of my bad days?
do you wish i were someone else?
do you want to leave?
are you too scared to hurt me?
do you pity me?
do you feel stuck?
do you still love me?
will you love me forever like you've promised numerous times?
are you really only mine forever?
am i actually the best thing that's ever happened to you?
are you actually in love with me?
am i still good enough?
do you still want a life with me?
are you still excited to wake up to me everyday?
to come home to me?
do you still want everything we talked about?
do i still make you happy?
,
,
the doubts fill my mind
until that sweet sensation rushes over my body
and my chest tightens
as the lump grows in my throat.
i have no choice but to swallow it.
and to tell myself
i'm wrong.
he's not too good to be true.
he's everything i deserve.
and he wants me.
1000%
he promised.
even the most perfect love has doubts.
the one that makes you the happiest.
the one that loves you when you're at your worst.
and the one that's by your side when you're at your best.
it is okay to have doubts.
but you cannot let what your mind tells you,
ruin what could be the best thing for you.
so push your thoughts aside,
and do it to save your relationship.
because nothing is more important than that person.
at least to me,
nothing was more important than you.