day by day

she got the best of me

it was late on a june evening,

you and your dad were taking me home,

you and I were in the backseat of your mums yellow jeep that I adored,

you had your arms around me,

you had rested your head on my chest.

I felt safe.

I felt needed.

you were singing along to every song that your dad played.

and every part of me was in love with your entire being.

with every lyric you sang I fell more and more in love with the idea of you.

and this song came on,

"I love luke conbs" you said as I ran my fingers through your hair.

"I know you do my love" I said as I felt you smile into my chest before you started to sing along.

"she got the best of me, she broke my heart"

you sat up and looked at me as you sang it, the streetlights shinning minimal light into the backseat,

but that's okay, I didn't need any light to see your smile as you looked at me in complete awe.

"that's like us, except you won't break my heart, right baby?"

I pulled you close to me as I kissed your lips softly I smiled and replied,

"that's right baby, you got the best of me"

.

.

the date is march 18th 2020, a little over a month short of a year since I fell into your ocean eyes.

we may not be on speaking terms, or even good terms, but you were still the first boy to ever show me how I deserved to be loved, I was not able to see how amazing you were to me and I got blinded by wants, I truly loved you, and that will never change, I made promises to you that I broke on multiple occasions, and I broke your heart when you would've never done that to me.

you introduced me to so many things, and most of who I am now is thanks to you.

you deserve to be happy and i'm sorry you had to go through me to find her.

if time ever brings you back to me I hope you turn around and walk away, for your sake.

because I can't love you anymore.

I can't keep hurting my heart with pictures of us in my nightstand.

or her cover photos on facebook.

loving you, was one of the best things I ever been able to do, but i wasn't enough.

and you, were too much.

i will forever cherish every memory i have of you,

but in the end we were never built to last.

so I'm letting go of every memory,

everything we did,

every first I had with you.

every feeling.

because you're not that person anymore, and frankly neither am I.

thank you for everything you taught me.